Written by Alisa in October 2022…
Dia de los Muertes is near! November the 2nd. The Day of the Dead…an ancient Aztec tradition of honoring the ancestors, loved and celebrated in many places, particularly here in Texas. I share this story with you today as a way to give homage to La Dia, the tradition, as well as one of my ancestors.
I see the terror in his eyes!
Looking out the living room window, I see an adolescent crow - not a water bird, mind you - floating in my pool. He isn’t swimming! I rush outside and move toward him with a container to scoop him out, knowing the sides of the rubber pool are way too slick for his claws to get any kind of traction. His beady eyes are terrified - especially after the two attempts to rescue him result in dunking him underneath the water. Finally on the third try, and another dunk for him, I scoop him out to safety. He hops himself under a bush, waterlogged, where he will remain for about 45 minutes. Is he going to make it? Eventually, he makes his way to the neighbor’s table in the sun, and shortly is back to spreading his wings and flying.
Whew!!
The birds weren’t used to the bright blue blowup pool that provided me with a little pandemic relief in the hot Texas summer of 2020. I neglected to provide another water source for the birds! This little guy must have slid down into the pool as he was leaning in for a drink - or a bath.
Crow Medicine came to me that day. Truth be told, I believe he is a Grackle, but I’m leaning into the crow, as he is more part of collective lore. I’d never been that up close and personal with the winged creature before.
Birds are often considered to be the messengers of the animal spirit guides. I like to think so! Later that day, I sensed that this particular feathered being had made his way across time and space to facilitate some healing of my ancestral line.
There are many healing paths that include acknowledgement, practices, and protocols for ancestral healing.* The one I’m most familiar with falls within the framework of Internal Family Systems (IFS).** It is referred to as Legacy UnBurdening. It includes the concept that our familial ancestors inadvertently, and energetically, pass down emotional, spiritual, and even physical burdens to us. And now, with the study of epigenetics, we are discovering that these trauma burdens may come through the very DNA we bring with us into this world.
Over the past several years, I have become more aware of the trauma of my father's Grandmother Carr. Nora Carr. Grandpa Jim, my Dad’s Dad, the second to the oldest of 9 kids, was born in 1914. Grandmother Nora, spent time in the “insane asylum” during the 20’s and 30’s of the 20th century. The word in the family was that she was jealous. And this made her crazy.
I think her break with “reality” might have had something to do with giving birth to 9 kids and being a woman 100 plus years ago! I became much more curious and compassionate toward her story in the process of doing my own inner work and reflecting on my family history and patterns. I actually have a piece of furniture - a beautiful oak sideboard - that belonged to GreatGrandmother Nora. I set up an altar on it to acknowledge her life, and her pain and suffering. Creating la ofrenda*** is a common practice in the tradition of Dia de los Muertes. Can you imagine being considered “mentally ill" at that time??? To have "symptoms," such as halluciantions and delusions, that often lead to the diagnosis of schizophrenia?
As I’ve read, studied, received, and practiced aspects of shamanic healing, I’ve come to hold an alternate perspective about what we call schizophrenia. What I understand is that in indigenous cultures*, a person who experiences alternate realities, is actually revered in the community, set apart as one who is skilled at stepping into those different realms; one who is able to communicate with the elements and animals, as well as The Great Spirit. They may even possess gifts that facilitate healing for others. These more ancient communities would have had elders, rituals, and training for such a one to hone and utilize these gifts. Note: I’m referring to the phenomena as “gift”, not as criteria for mental illness.
I am uncertain about the indigenous heritage of Grandmother Nora, but certain she had no type of training, mentorship, or guidance in the use of spiritual gifts. Instead she found herself in what I imagine to be a cold, dank, barren cell, with little in the way of touch, compassion, or quiet. Much like what it is to be in prison.
I could easily access lots of caring and compassion for her. Despite remembering her as a scary woman, and hearing lots of stories from Aunt Ann and Grandma Jean of her unpleasant disposition. Who wouldn’t be bitter and resentful??
On another level, how might her trauma be impacting me in my life in 2020? Her experience impacted my Grandpa Jim’s childhood, which impacted the way he could show up for my dad as he was growing up, which impacted how my dad could parent me. That’s the emotional, family dynamic impact.
What of her physical and emotional trauma may be lodged in my DNA, informing my physical body, my own neural networks and behavior patterns?
With the support and guidance of my friend and IFS colleague, Dana Gillispie LCSW, I went through a meditation to “unburden” whatever this might be.
Much of the magic of transformation in IFS happens in the imagination. From Ignatian “mental” prayer in the 16th century, to Jungian “active imagination," to the practice of Interpersonal Neurobiology of the 21st century, many have recognized the power to change behavior from the inside out. This superpower is called on in doing work with Legacy Burdens in IFS, as well. Intervening in a traumatic story in our imaginations can change neural networks.** Maybe it even changes the DNA too!
So I went about to meet my Grandmother Nora, back in time, inside the confines of a 1920’s Indiana insane asylum, within the safety of my imagination, with Dana as my companion and guide. It is a bit like being in a dream…
I am at the nurse’s station of a cold and dark stone building. There is a long hallway. It smells of mildew and urine. At first it is as if Grandmother Nora has been forcefully brought to me in this central part of the space. Her contorted face and eyes express only terror. I insist that it’s ok - I don't expect her to communicate or even be in my presence against her will. Let her go and be where she feels most safe. Somehow, I know she has been returned to her room, the last one on the right of the long hallway. I make my way down the hallway to be closer to her room. The vision of her terrified eyes stays with me in a dramatic way.
My 2020 conscious mind recalls the eyes of the crow from the pool earlier that day! They were the same as those of Grandmother Nora! My present-day experience and the vision from back in time are converging.
I look into Grandmother Nora’s room and see that she has settled. There is a chair facing the sole window in the room, which is approximately a foot square and a bit above eye level. I intuitively know she spends a great deal of time at the window and has very little interaction with other people. However, she interacts regularly with the birds that perch on the outside window ledge.
Through a mental/psychic communication, she becomes aware of me, and that a crow came to me in 2020. It's as if we both have consciousness of 2020 and 1920 simultaneously. We seem to have a knowing that it is this crow that she communicates with regularly, and that it came through time to alert me to her invitation. It appears to come as a bit of a surprise to her - at first. But then she receives it as a confirmation. The bird really did understand her! Really did listen.
Another healing practice I do for myself and others is working with Oracle and Tarot cards. The Spirit Animal Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid is one of my favorites! Crow Spirit - Co-create with Spirit! “As you look around you, can you see the magic that pulses through the world?...Crow Spirit wants to know why you think there is no magic in the world. Or do you believe there once was, but it ran out, leaving nothing but ordinariness?” Hello?!?! I’m tuning into the magic!
I receive clarity about Grandmother Nora's intuitive abilities. I acknowledge them with respect and admiration. This also seems to be a surprise to her. She has only been dismissed and denigrated. To be seen and acknowledged as gifted is completely outside the realm of her experience!
We sense that she is ready to leave the cold and empty prison she has inhabited. To be returned to her highest self. But first, I want to help her exit where she has been stuck.
In IFS, as well as in other conceptualizations of the psyche, our “parts” are like pockets of energy that become inflexible, particular neural networks that have become locked in.** Another way of understanding it, for instance, is to think of an inner child (say the 4-year-old) who can be stuck in 1971 (in my case), with those circumstances, and access only to the resources at the time. In ancestor work,** the idea is that our relatives, or one of their parts, can become stuck at a certain point in time, and the DNA that was affected by that trauma, the neural network pattern in response to trauma, then becomes part of the pattern that is passed down. Resmaa Menakem says in My Grandmother’s Hands, "Unhealed trauma...can appear to become a part of someone's personality,...a family norm,...or start to look like culture. But it isn't culture. It's a traumatic retention that has lost its context over time." (pg. 39)
The work in the imagination space may open up that locked energy pattern. Just like a key!
I escort Grandmother Nora out of the dark building, into the light of the courtyard, through the stone gate, and out into a wooded area with picnic tables. There are blackbirds everywhere! They come to her easily, and she welcomes them.
I invite my inner 4-year-old, little Alisa, to join Grandmother Nora and me. Little Alisa has also been making herself known to me periodically. I want her to have the opportunity to meet her GreatGrandmother Nora from this perspective. She is shy but intrigued, especially with the way the old woman has with the birds. Grandmother Nora shows her how to feed them, and the two of them, with me looking on, become friends, with each other and with the birds. There is a sense that, with Nora’s intuition having been honed and recognized, now she can teach and mentor little Alisa at this Feminine way of listening.
Legacy In the Legacy Unburdening process, we call on the Highest Self of our ancestor, to come and retrieve the part of them that became the pattern of behavior that just no longer serves anyone. What was that? I can’t be for certain, but such things as learning to be silent, denying intuition, stifling inner wisdom, having judgment or contempt for differences, denying pain…these are all possibilities. Behaviors and feelings that I have struggled with over the years.
My experience of this vision of Grandmother Nora is that she was transformed into her highest self. The reunification occurred in the process of her being seen, recognized, valued, and celebrated across time and space! Now she is One who has courage and confidence, has no agenda beyond Presence and Wholeness, holds no judgment, and communes with Beings of all kinds.
I make the return passage back to my home and living room in Austin, TX in 2020, open my eyes, and give gratitude for the Crow who caught my attention earlier that day. Gratitude for the life that GreatGrandmother Nora lived, painful as it must have been for her. Gratitude for the connection and guidance from her, and the tutelage she now shares with my own inner Little Alisa.
The tradition of Dia de los Muertes, All Hollow’s Eve (Halloween), and All Souls Day teaches that the veils are very thin at this time.* I offer gratitude for the thin veil built into our psyches through the magic of imagination (AHHHH! As I write these words together, I see MAGI in both - that will be an interesting exploration!) And for the access to those veils that delineate this physical world from the less dense realms where ancestors dwell.
I invite you to remember your ancestors during these days. To become curious about their stories. What trauma did they endure that may be impacting you in 2022? What gift do they want to share with you?
* In the course of the last 12 years, I have been exposed to numerous writings, teachers, mentors and healers, and workshops referring to ancient traditions from many different cultures and spiritualities. Celtic Spirituality. North and South American Indigenous practices. Catholicism. Esoteric Christianity. The Goddess tradition.
**In the course of my career and study as a psychotherapist, I am Level 2 trained in Internal Family Systems, and self-studied in Jungian DreamWork. I've been learning about Interpersonal Neurobiology to understand more about what is going on in the brain when we work in the Imagination. I've been exposed to epigenetics and the impact of generational trauma through the study of these modalities, as well as in my clinical experience.
***la ofrenda means an offering in Spanish. It also refers to an altar created for an ancestor, although does not indicate an act of worship of them.