A Story of Ancestor Healing - Great-Grandmother Nora

Written by Alisa in October 2022…

Dia de los Muertes is near!  November the 2nd.  The Day of the Dead…an ancient Aztec tradition of honoring the ancestors, loved and celebrated in many places, particularly here in Texas.  I share this story with you today as a way to give homage to La Dia, the tradition, as well as one of my ancestors.

I see the terror in his eyes!

Looking out the living room window, I see an adolescent crow - not a water bird, mind you - floating in my pool.  He isn’t swimming!  I rush outside and move toward him with a container to scoop him out, knowing the sides of the rubber pool are way too slick for his claws to get any kind of traction.  His beady eyes are terrified - especially after the two attempts to rescue him result in dunking him underneath the water.  Finally on the third try, and another dunk for him, I scoop him out to safety.  He hops himself under a bush, waterlogged, where he will remain for about 45 minutes.  Is he going to make it?  Eventually, he makes his way to the neighbor’s table in the sun, and shortly is back to spreading his wings and flying.

Whew!!  

The birds weren’t used to the bright blue blowup pool that provided me with a little pandemic relief in the hot Texas summer of 2020.  I neglected to provide another water source for the birds!  This little guy must have slid down into the pool as he was leaning in for a drink - or a bath.  

Crow Medicine came to me that day.  Truth be told, I believe he is a Grackle, but I’m leaning into the crow, as he is more part of collective lore.  I’d never been that up close and personal with the winged creature before. 

Birds are often considered to be the messengers of the animal spirit guides.  I like to think so!  Later that day, I sensed that this particular feathered being had made his way across time and space to facilitate some healing of my ancestral line.

There are many healing paths that include acknowledgement, practices, and protocols for ancestral healing.*  The one I’m most familiar with falls within the framework of Internal Family Systems (IFS).**  It is referred to as Legacy UnBurdening.  It includes the concept that our familial ancestors inadvertently, and energetically, pass down emotional, spiritual, and even physical burdens to us.  And now, with the study of epigenetics, we are discovering that these trauma burdens may come through the very DNA we bring with us into this world.

Over the past several years, I have become more aware of the trauma of my father's Grandmother Carr.  Nora Carr.  Grandpa Jim, my Dad’s Dad, the second to the oldest of 9 kids, was born in 1914.  Grandmother Nora, spent time in the “insane asylum” during the 20’s and 30’s of the 20th century.  The word in the family was that she was jealous.  And this made her crazy. 

I think her break with “reality” might have had something to do with giving birth to 9 kids and being a woman 100 plus years ago!  I became much more curious and compassionate toward her story in the process of doing my own inner work and reflecting on my family history and patterns.  I actually have a piece of furniture - a beautiful oak sideboard - that belonged to GreatGrandmother Nora.  I set up an altar on it to acknowledge her life, and her pain and suffering.  Creating la ofrenda*** is a common practice in the tradition of Dia de los Muertes.  Can you imagine being considered “mentally ill" at that time???  To have "symptoms," such as halluciantions and delusions, that often lead to the diagnosis of schizophrenia?

As I’ve read, studied, received, and practiced aspects of shamanic healing, I’ve come to hold an alternate perspective about what we call schizophrenia.  What I understand is that in indigenous cultures*, a person who experiences alternate realities, is actually revered in the community, set apart as one who is skilled at stepping into those different realms; one who is able to communicate with the elements and animals, as well as The Great Spirit.  They may even possess gifts that facilitate healing for others.  These more ancient communities would have had elders, rituals, and training for such a one to hone and utilize these gifts.  Note: I’m referring to the phenomena as “gift”, not as criteria for mental illness.

I am uncertain about the indigenous heritage of Grandmother Nora, but certain she had no type of training, mentorship, or guidance in the use of spiritual gifts.  Instead she found herself in what I imagine to be a cold, dank, barren cell, with little in the way of touch, compassion, or quiet.  Much like what it is to be in prison.

I could easily access lots of caring and compassion for her.  Despite remembering her as a scary woman, and hearing lots of stories from Aunt Ann and Grandma Jean of her unpleasant disposition.  Who wouldn’t be bitter and resentful??

On another level, how might her trauma be impacting me in my life in 2020?  Her experience impacted my Grandpa Jim’s childhood, which impacted the way he could show up for my dad as he was growing up, which impacted how my dad could parent me.  That’s the emotional, family dynamic impact.  

What of her physical and emotional trauma may be lodged in my DNA, informing my physical body, my own neural networks and behavior patterns?  

With the support and guidance of my friend and IFS colleague, Dana Gillispie LCSW, I went through a meditation to “unburden” whatever this might be.

Much of the magic of transformation in IFS happens in the imagination.  From Ignatian “mental” prayer in the 16th century, to Jungian “active imagination," to the practice of Interpersonal Neurobiology of the 21st century, many have recognized the power to change behavior from the inside out.  This superpower is called on in doing work with Legacy Burdens in IFS, as well.   Intervening in a traumatic story in our imaginations can change neural networks.**  Maybe it even changes the DNA too!

So I went about to meet my Grandmother Nora, back in time, inside the confines of a 1920’s Indiana insane asylum, within the safety of my imagination, with Dana as my companion and guide.  It is a bit like being in a dream…

I am at the nurse’s station of a cold and dark stone building.  There is a long hallway.  It smells of mildew and urine.  At first it is as if Grandmother Nora has been forcefully brought to me in this central part of the space.  Her contorted face and eyes express only terror.  I insist that it’s ok - I don't expect her to communicate or even be in my presence against her will.  Let her go and be where she feels most safe.  Somehow, I know she has been returned to her room, the last one on the right of the long hallway.  I make my way down the hallway to be closer to her room.  The vision of her terrified eyes stays with me in a dramatic way.

My 2020 conscious mind recalls the eyes of the crow from the pool earlier that day!  They were the same as those of Grandmother Nora!  My present-day experience and the vision from back in time are converging. 

I look into Grandmother Nora’s room and see that she has settled.  There is a chair facing the sole window in the room, which is approximately a foot square and a bit above eye level.  I intuitively know she spends a great deal of time at the window and has very little interaction with other people.  However, she interacts regularly with the birds that perch on the outside window ledge.  

Through a mental/psychic communication, she becomes aware of me, and that a crow came to me in 2020.  It's as if we both have consciousness of 2020 and 1920 simultaneously.  We seem to have a knowing that it is this crow that she communicates with regularly, and that it came through time to alert me to her invitation.  It appears to come as a bit of a surprise to her - at first.  But then she receives it as a confirmation.  The bird really did understand her!  Really did listen.   

Another healing practice I do for myself and others is working with Oracle and Tarot cards. The Spirit Animal Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid is one of my favorites!  Crow Spirit - Co-create with Spirit!  “As you look around you, can you see the magic that pulses through the world?...Crow Spirit wants to know why you think there is no magic in the world.  Or do you believe there once was, but it ran out, leaving nothing but ordinariness?”  Hello?!?!  I’m tuning into the magic!

I receive clarity about Grandmother Nora's intuitive abilities.  I acknowledge them with respect and admiration.  This also seems to be a surprise to her.  She has only been dismissed and denigrated.  To be seen and acknowledged as gifted is completely outside the realm of her experience!

We sense that she is ready to leave the cold and empty prison she has inhabited.  To be returned to her highest self.  But first, I want to help her exit where she has been stuck.  

In IFS, as well as in other conceptualizations of the psyche, our “parts” are like pockets of energy that become inflexible, particular neural networks that have become locked in.**  Another way of understanding it, for instance, is to think of an inner child (say the 4-year-old) who can be stuck in 1971 (in my case), with those circumstances, and access only to the resources at the time.  In ancestor work,** the idea is that our relatives, or one of their parts, can become stuck at a certain point in time, and the DNA that was affected by that trauma, the neural network pattern in response to trauma, then becomes part of the pattern that is passed down.  Resmaa Menakem says in My Grandmother’s Hands, "Unhealed trauma...can appear to become a part of someone's personality,...a family norm,...or start to look like culture.  But it isn't culture.  It's a traumatic retention that has lost its context over time." (pg. 39)

The work in the imagination space may open up that locked energy pattern.  Just like a key!

I escort Grandmother Nora out of the dark building, into the light of the courtyard, through the stone gate, and out into a wooded area with picnic tables.  There are blackbirds everywhere!  They come to her easily, and she welcomes them. 

I invite my inner 4-year-old, little Alisa, to join Grandmother Nora and me.  Little Alisa has also been making herself known to me periodically.  I want her to have the opportunity to meet her GreatGrandmother Nora from this perspective.  She is shy but intrigued, especially with the way the old woman has with the birds.  Grandmother Nora shows her how to feed them, and the two of them, with me looking on, become friends, with each other and with the birds. There is a sense that, with Nora’s intuition having been honed and recognized, now she can teach and mentor little Alisa at this Feminine way of listening.

Legacy In the Legacy Unburdening process, we call on the Highest Self of our ancestor, to come and retrieve the part of them that became the pattern of behavior that just no longer serves anyone.  What was that?  I can’t be for certain, but such things as learning to be silent, denying intuition, stifling inner wisdom, having judgment or contempt for differences, denying pain…these are all possibilities.  Behaviors and feelings that I have struggled with over the years.

My experience of this vision of Grandmother Nora is that she was transformed into her highest self.  The reunification occurred in the process of her being seen, recognized, valued, and celebrated across time and space!  Now she is One who has courage and confidence, has no agenda beyond Presence and Wholeness, holds no judgment, and communes with Beings of all kinds.

I make the return passage back to my home and living room in Austin, TX in 2020, open my eyes, and give gratitude for the Crow who caught my attention earlier that day.  Gratitude for the life that GreatGrandmother Nora lived, painful as it must have been for her.  Gratitude for the connection and guidance from her, and the tutelage she now shares with my own inner Little Alisa.  

The tradition of Dia de los Muertes, All Hollow’s Eve (Halloween), and All Souls Day teaches that the veils are very thin at this time.*  I offer gratitude for the thin veil built into our psyches through the magic of imagination (AHHHH!  As I write these words together, I see MAGI in both - that will be an interesting exploration!)  And for the access to those veils that delineate this physical world from the less dense realms where ancestors dwell.  

I invite you to remember your ancestors during these days.  To become curious about their stories.  What trauma did they endure that may be impacting you in 2022?  What gift do they want to share with you?

* In the course of the last 12 years, I have been exposed to numerous writings, teachers, mentors and healers, and workshops referring to ancient traditions from many different cultures and spiritualities.  Celtic Spirituality.  North and South American Indigenous practices.  Catholicism.  Esoteric Christianity.  The Goddess tradition.  

**In the course of my career and study as a psychotherapist, I am Level 2 trained in Internal Family Systems, and self-studied in Jungian DreamWork. I've been learning about Interpersonal Neurobiology to understand more about what is going on in the brain when we work in the Imagination.  I've been exposed to epigenetics and the impact of generational trauma through the study of these modalities, as well as in my clinical experience.  

***la ofrenda means an offering in Spanish.  It also refers to an altar created for an ancestor, although does not indicate an act of worship of them.

Frequency, Vibration, Resonance, and Transformation

Frequency.  Vibration.  Resonance.  Harmony.  Sound waves.  In Sync.  Communication.  Tuned In. Notes.  Chords.  Registers.  I love to play with these words related to sound and energy!  And to think of the events and experiences of life in these terms. 

Music emerges from frequencies, vibrations, and sound waves.  Our bodies tune in through particular notes and chord progressions, melodies and harmonies.   We resonate someplace deep inside to certain arrangements of these. 

Language arises out of the sounds we make.  Letters create words and words placed together intentionally form a phrase, a lyric, a line of poetry, or a story that holds a similar frequency to something we have experienced or felt.    Somehow we manage to communicate with one another in this way.  Somehow we give and receive transmissions from other beings - plants, animals, the elements - through frequency and vibration.  The language of the Universe!  That's what is resonating with me!!

You may remember me introducing you to the wonderful musicians (in Hanging on a High Note) I've had the pleasure of Tuning In with this year.   We have created an arrangement of frequencies and harmonies, notes and chords, sound waves and vibrations of original songs, ancient poetry, and personal stories.  Our second offering of Colours of Love on this coming Saturday, March 30,  at a friend's home in Round Rock.  We would so enjoy your particular Frequency to come and Harmonize with us!

The more the five of us, Randy Langford, Melinda Joy, George, Son of Cormack, Jason Hendrix, and me - gather together and play music, sit with the poems we have selected, and share our stories and experiences with one another, the more InSync we become!  We've created something evocative and fun, energetic and healing!

Check out a sample of Colours of Love with this YouTube video, recorded at our first performance in February 2024...

Randy Langford's, It's Time.

Another thing to NOTE about March 30, is that it is known as Holy Saturday in the Christian tradition - the day before Easter Sunday.  It marks the day between crucifixion and resurrection.  No matter what your connection to the events in the life of Jesus celebrated throughout Holy Week, the Frequency of the InBetween is archetypal!  Liminal space, cave of the heart, dark night of the soul, the chrysalis stage between caterpillar and butterfly.  The way living things transform and compost into organic matter.  Life, death, transition, new life.

March 30, 2024, archetypally speaking, marks a time of transformation and transition.  A time of being in the cave, and a time of darkness.  A perfect time for reflection and inner work.  We're inviting you into this also, in our Colours of Love offering!  We hope to touch your heart, and open ours to be touched by yours!

White Jesus and Good Friday

Holy Week is coming up!  The week just before Easter Sunday.  Even though I am no longer resonating so much with the traditional Church, it’s one of the times of year that calls my heart and soul to keep sacred.  Come and join us for a Cacao and Fire Ceremony to mark what has been known as Good Friday in a non-traditional way.  The particulars of the event, you can find here,   But first, a story...a little bit of Christmas as we ease on into Spring...

You may remember my Magic Closet Ride (click here to read) adventure from some months ago.  My grand cleanse.  A fantastic purging!  Among the items to be released was a nativity scene from my childhood.  Approximately 60 years old!    

It was passed on to me many years ago.  A rustic barn made of bark, rough wood, and straw.  Mary.  Joseph.  Sheep and cows.  The angel hanging from the eves.  And, of course, Baby Jesus.  Each year I would also include my various other animals – the jade frog, the silver horse, the ceramic horse – to pay homage to the Christ child.  Often I would position the Magi – the wise men from the East – en route to the main event.

I’ve been ready to let this item go for several years now and have attempted to bequeath it to my nephew or nieces, to no avail.

In the meantime, I’ve been on my own journey of uncovering the impact that white supremacy has had on our culture, on the religion of Christianity, and on my own life.  The perspectives shared by Black authors including Christena Cleveland in God is a Black Woman and Resmaa Menakem in My Grandmother's Hands, have been invaluable for me!  Often through the stories and dreams of clients and friends, I’ve had opportunities to recognize the “white jesus” who has infiltrated our Western world.  Not the Arabic, brown, Jewish, mystic, who most surely bore the name, the consciousness, and the legend that we have come to know as Jesus.  Jeshua, some call him.

As the transforming fires burned in the fire pit in my back yard at the end of 2023, alchemizing so many memories, experiences, and parts of myself (found in the Magic Closet!), it felt apt to go ahead and include the shell of a nativity scene among the fodder.

But burn up the baby Jesus??

In the way that often happens, I finally saw the thing I had been looking at for 30 years as it actually IS!  Baby Jesus was not only plastic, but white!  This had escaped me as relevant for all this time!

Now the burning ritual took on a whole new level of significance.  This is not only for me and what I’m shifting personally – this is for the dismantling of white supremacy.  In myself, in my spiritual tradition, and in this culture that I’m a part of!  As well as the hold it has had on the teachings, life, and consciousness of Jesus, the Christ. 

With Randy, my partner, and Alison, our neighbor, as witnesses, I threw the rustic nativity, including the white plastic baby jesus and mary, into the fires of transmutation on Christmas Day.

Participating in and devotion to the sacraments, prayers, and scripture of the Church was an integral part of my spirituality, the way I connected with the Divine for about ¾ of this life I’ve lived.  The last 14 years have brought much expansion beyond that, but I continue to treasure the stories and rituals that we have about the life of Jesus.  As I mentioned in the beginning of this piece, Holy Week holds many of those stories, as well as the rituals to bring them to life. 

In my conversations with people, a frequent topic is how folks have been harmed by religion, especially particular versions of Christian theology and practice.  It is my desire to provide a safe space to process these experiences and the ways they have impacted our lives.  At the Cacao and Fire ceremony on Good Friday, March 29, from 2-7pm, we will also highlight practices and attitudes that facilitate justice and love, states of Being that cost Jesus his life.   

Come and partake of sustainably and equitably sourced - and delicious - cacao by the fire with reflective music by Randy Langford.  Participate in heartfelt conversation to any degree you desire. Connect with others.  Enjoy the green grass of spring, the attention of Booker, our dog, and hearty soup with cornbread to close out the day.  Expect to be nourished in your heart, mind, and body!

In this way we will walk along the edge – the place where mystics seem to trod - of Holy Week.  The edges of our own stories and painful experiences, of the stories and spirituality of Jesus, and of the tradition that has hurt so many of us.  We'll find the sacred within all of that, as well as in nature, plants and animals, and the elements.  We intend to create opportunities for community, connection, and healing where justice and love abound!

Magic Closet Ride

I have a practice of pulling oracle or Tarot cards, as a way of listening to myself and to Spirit, and of caring for myself.  A couple of months ago, feeling kind of blah and a lack of motivation, I shuffled a deck and drew some cards.  One of them gave the guidance to “clear out the clutter!”  Not exactly what someone feeling unmotivated wants to hear.  I knew precisely which area of my house needed clearing!
 
In my house, within the Healing Room, an 8X10 space that is painted a soothing color of barely blue with a hint of green (called “Stillness”, believe it or not!), is a closet about 2 ft by 4 ft.  I call it my “work closet,” and it has been filled, pretty much floor to ceiling, with evidence from the entirety of my 30+ year professional career, as well as mementos and photos from my childhood and young adult life.  I began keeping journals in the mid 90’s.  All of them are in this holding space.  An abundance of artwork has resided here – mine, and that belonging to the children and teenagers I worked with throughout the years.  Workshop and presentation content – many that I attended and learned from.  Some that I put together for teaching and Healing Circles.  Poetry and Writing Pieces. And so much more!
 
I have found that when I’m emotional, depressed, grieving, or blah-feeling, movement can open things up for me.  When I drew this card, I sensed the wisdom that taking the action to begin clearing out this closet could create some shift - in my mood, and in my life.
 
That was at least 4 months ago now, and I have looked at almost every piece of paper and item that was stored in that closet!  It was exhausting, exhilarating, bittersweet, relieving, heart-opening, and confidence-building! 
 
I found papers from my 1st grade class, my girl scout sash and badges, my graduation cap and gown, notes from my high school girlfriends, passed between classes and almost always about BOYS!
 
I found so many letters!! The ones that were so poignant to me were the ones from my Aunt Ann, my Grandma Jean, my sister, Suzanne, and my Mom.  Wow, have I been loved by them all! 
 
There were several synchronicities that occurred during the clearing out time.  For instance, in my boxes of personal momentos, I found many of the newspapers from the week of 9/11, in 2001.  I discovered this just a couple of days before my dear friend, Heather Elizabeth, was making a pilgrimage to NYC.  She was paying homage to John Lennon, as well as the memorial for the Twin Towers. (I connect you with a link to her Facebook page to learn about a fascinating calendar system - a "map of synchronicity" that revealed a  connected here).  Also, I found a prayer from 2001 for Palestinians, and peace with Israel, just days following the outbreak of more violence in that region in 2023.
 
Another time, a group I participate in entered a time of the year in which the Peacock figured prominently.  Just after participating in this group, I discovered an image of the Peacock.  In the closet!  The Peacock had become a symbol of expressing my voice, empowerment, claiming and displaying my beauty, walking through life with authenticity and confidence.  Here She was, making her presence known in a powerful way!
 
I heard myself say, “There’s Magic in this closet!”
 
It struck me!  We are used to the phrase “the skeletons in your closet!”  Meaning that we feel the need to hide and bury so much of our lives and experiences in the corners of our psyches, until the contents seem so daunting that we just slam the door closed even harder on them.  So many patriarchal messages about being ashamed I believe are responsible for this phenomenon!!  Instead, I was finding so many synchronicities – cosmic connections – so much energy, so much gratitude and evidence of support and love, so much appreciation for the path I have walked.  Pure Magic!!
 
I live by the concept found in Depth Psychology and (I’ve recently learned) in Buddhism, as well, that there is treasure in the shadow parts of ourselves.  Within every challenge there is a blessing.  Within every neurosis, there is wisdom.  Magic is hidden in the Closet!  I took a wild ride on it!
 
Many of you are aware that I often use fire as a way to honor and transmute energy.  I had many a fire during this time of purging and letting go!  And every time I burned things, I would connect with that younger part of me that had those experiences, feelings, blessings and challenges.  Or I would express gratitude for times in my life, experiences I had, people who had shared their love and lives with me.
 
At times, I recognized that the need to be so thorough and thoughtful about all of this seemed a bit compulsive.  Because the thought of NOT being so intentional about it brought up anxiousness.  But I decided that was ok.  I didn’t want to miss any opportunity to reflect, to appreciate, to embrace all that has brought me to this point in my life.
 
Energy can neither be destroyed nor created.  But it sure can be moved!  Not only did I go on a Magic Closet Ride, I also moved a lot of energy!  There’s the actual space that can now be utilized in more expansive ways.  I am also aware that letting go of items, releasing energy that has been stored up, hidden, or saved, can lead to creativity and new life!  And I know the power of appreciation and gratitude for the different parts of myself!
 
As we begin 2024, I invite you into your own release and energy clearing, if you haven’t already begun that!  And to listen for the new creations that are waiting for some space to emerge within!  Offer gratitude for the experiences you have had and the path you have walked!
 
I have a couple of offerings to share that just might encourage, guide or assist you in that effort.  On February 2-4, I am leading a retreat for a small group of women in a serene setting in Wimberley,  TX.   It will be a time of deepening, healing, and connection.  There is one more spot available.  I also continue to offer individual or private group retreat experiences - from 3 hours, to a week(s).
 
My partner, Randy and I are collaborating with each other and some other musicians, to create a deep musical and reflective experience.  Offered in a setting similar to a house concert or listening room, we are putting together songs, poems, brief meditative practices, and intuitive activities in a beauty-filled and sensual space.  It will be fun and connecting, healing and heart-opening.  Stay tuned for more details, or contact me and I will pass them along!
 
Here's to cleaning out closets and all the Magic we can find in them!!

Much Love - Alisa

Hanging on a High Note

Yesterday, as I was driving home from yoga, I was listening to a song I've heard dozens of times before (probably singing loudly!)  Waiting for the traffic light to turn, a sound caught my attention that I hadn't noticed before.  The song is a chant by Krishna Das - Sri Argala Stotram/Show Me Love.  His baritone is supported by a chorus, singing "I wanna know what Love is...I want you to show me..."  This I've sung to many, many times.  What had been imperceptible to me before now, is another chorus, hanging on one high note, quietly offering a harmony back behind the boldness of the other voices.  It is achingly beautiful!  It requires stillness and focused attention to detect.  Yet, if it wasn't there, the song would be missing a dimension of itself.

I have the pleasure and honor of collaborating, co-creating, and offering a deep and beautiful experience of notes, harmonies, beats, and profound words with some incredible musicians and songwriters.  Randy Langford, Melinda Joy, George McCormack - Son of Cormack, and Jason Hendrix.  Colors of Love, is an exploration of the multi-facets of Love in this human experience. We are the debut act for By Invitation, a new venue in Blanco, TX, (in the basement of Liz On the Square) on February 10.  (See Colors of Love on my Sacred Events page.) If our practices are any indication, it is an experience that is sure to open up and touch the hearts of those who resonate with such things!!  We would love to share our music, stories, and treasured poems with you!

Throughout the evening of our last practice for Colors of Love, the theme of hanging on the one note, came up over and over.  In choosing a harmony, in the writing and delivery of a song - kind of like an anchor, or a tether.  Something for the musicians to come back to.  Continuity.  What holds it all together. The place where we return.

We recognized that there are people like that in our lives.  Just like those Notes.  Who are always there.  Who we can come back to.  Who come to find us when we need them.  Like that high note hanging in the background, quietly supporting our lives.  

I hope you have those Notes in your life.  Whether they be people. animals, a favorite tree, or a meaningful place in the world.  Even a song.  

Come and listen for some notes to hang onto!  And meet others who also value music, poetry, stories, and community!

Turquoise Door Dream

Someday (I’m putting it in writing here) the front door to my house is going to be Turquoise! I would paint it right away, if not for the yellow/peach of the brick and trim - that color scheme just doesn’t do it for me.  But eventually…

In 2010, I had a dream.  (Pay attention to the guidance throughout on working with your dreams!)

I’m in my Grandmama’s house - the house where my mom lived during her teenage years, and where I visited regularly until my Senior year of high school, when Grandmama moved from Northern Indiana to where we lived in Columbus, Georgia.  In the dream, the door to the basement is Turquoise.  (When writing your dreams, write them in the present tense!)

A little girl, maybe about 9, is leading me by the hand to open the Turquoise Door and go into the basement.  The steps descending to the basement are wooden, with no hand railing.  Although not as spooky as my other grandparent’s basement, it’s still quite foreboding down there!  Add to that - I know there is a Wild Child flailing around in that dank and ominous space!  

This is why the little girl is taking me there.  To find her...

We begin to make our way down the narrow steps.  I am cautious, yet have a genuine desire to help the aged 12ish Wild One who is thrashing about and making gutteral screams down below (Think Jane Eyre).  I can’t see her, as there is a curtain separating her from us. 

I now have another companion on the steps - a 5 year old little girl, who is quite excited and playful.  As I said, I want to go down and be with the older girl who is clearly in so much agony.  I want to let her know that she’s not alone, that I can be with her and help her.  But I, in the dream, my ego self (the way I see myself and what I believe to be true about myself) am afraid! 

I’m afraid that the two littler girls are going to play a trick on me and lock me in the basement, if I take my eye off of them!  So I suffice to reach my arm around the curtain to let the one with the raw visceral emotion know that I see her and I hear her. 

I can’t remember if there was a sense that I would be coming back or not.  

Come back I did...

Upon waking up, I knew that this dream deserved and called out for some devoted time and attention.  But I had no idea that the potency it held would continue to unfold layers of healing, and provide creative and life-giving energy for me for 10 years, and beyond!

As I responded to the call for some DreamWork, I was guided to do a meditation to carry the dream forward.  Carl Jung calls this active imagination.  I knew that the Wild Child was an essential part of me that had been relegated to the basement of my unconscious and needed my attention in a huge way!

Gradually, the energy of the dream began to emerge into my consciousness. 

I connected with the inner 7-12 year old who didn’t have much access to her vibrancy.
I found my  "Mother Wound" (I have a horse story about this!)
I found generational grief and loss.

I found so many stories and experiences that had shaped and formed my beliefs, my reactions, my behavior patterns.  I learned to treasure them.  To tell them.  To express my emotions about them.  To honor the people involved. Even the ones who caused me pain.

I also found this massive amount of energy to access in my life!  I expanded my work to include InterSpiritual Guidance/Healing with people all over the world.  I invested in numerous trainings and classes (I basically created my own graduate school program! So much more fun than actual graduate school!)  I have developed the most beautiful and deep friendships with both women and men. I went on a solo camping trip from Austin to CA.

I’ve created a magical, spiritual and transformational space in my Austin home where many people have experienced deep healing, expansive community, and lots of love and TLC.  Even though I don’t have that Turquoise Door at the threshold to my house YET!!

 Because the message of theTurquoise Doorin my dream is this…

"Come to Me!  Walk through Me! I call to you with my vibrant, earthy, and beautiful voice!  Yes, you hear those visceral cries and that thrashing about within my space, but have no fear! Re-connect with and listen to those parts of yourself!  That intensity only means they need you!  I promise that doing so will truly transform you!  You will find Energy.  Life.  Wholeness.” 

The Turquoise Door ensures that, even when it is uncomfortable, spooky, or scary, it really IS safe to enter.  Our Organizing Self gives us little guides and helpers, and even if they appear to be mischievous, they really have our best interest at heart. 

In my carrying forward of The Turquoise Door dream, I gave myself a key to the basement door!  That way, I could descend into the damp darkness, take down the curtain separating me from my Wildness, my essence, and not be afraid.  I would have a way out even if those two little girls decided to play games!

Where is the Turquoise Door in your life?  We are well past the threshold of 2021...which doors have been beckoning for you to open them, walk carefully down the rickety steps, and reach around the curtain?  Where is the Wild Child hidden within your psyche? Waiting to be seen and recognized as powerful energy! 

Allow it to emerge, to be re-membered and re-integrated into your life.  To bring Magic and Beauty, Hope and Love.

Thank you for listening to my dream, and to the messages it held for me - the potency it carried!  I hope you've been inspired to listen to one of yours!  Let me know if I can help you with that Listening!

No Electricity And Plenty of Power - Raspberry Island, NY

I was sitting on the old wooden steps of the deck, looking out over the lake through the clumps of orange "blossoms", waiting to turn into hundreds - maybe even thousands - of pine cones. (I'm not sure that they're actually blossoms - I'm fairly certain they're full of pollen! The pine tree, I'm realizing, is one of my Plant Friends and Guides - He keeps showing up!)

Back to my story!

The wind is blowing fiercely (weather app says it's just 15 mph - I'm not buying it! - Check out my video and decide for yourself )! Black Lake, who was almost like glass the day prior, has white caps. And two young poplar trees are getting to exercise their core, proving their strength in response to it.

It's May 25, 2021. My 54th birthday. My White Rhythmic Wind year, according to the Dreamspell 13 Moon calendar system I follow. (I'll tell you more about that another time - It's where my newsletter name comes from...) Mother nature is in sync with the White Wind!

Oh - and I'm on an island! Raspberry Island in Black Lake. In upstate New York, not just too far from the Canadian border. I'm there at the invitation of my soul sister, Deb Shine Valentine. We've been friends since high school, and have had a cross-continental friendship that has encouraged, sustained, and loved each other into more and more healing and expansion! This is her island!

They seem to have each other - Raspberry Island and Deb.

I giggle to myself as I'm sitting there, watching the white caps rush by, and hearing the bobbing of our little boat against the dark rocks that are surely what gives the lake her name. Because, every time I've told of my "little adventure" to friends and family, I've described this island as having "No electricity and No running water."

It's true! There's a composting toilet. We brought over our own drinking water (as well as enough for Brodie, Deb's little white poodle-ish dog - he rode in the boat too!) We light candles on a candelabra and oil lanterns at night. We take turns charging our phone on the one battery-operated charger (which runs out of juice after both our phones are charged up once!)

But as I'm watching - actually, I'm much more than an observer - I'm seeing, hearing and feeling the wind blow through, the water rushing by, the sun shining down - I realize the absurdity of my description of this wild and beautiful place. "No electricity and no running water!" Ha! There may not be electricity - but there is plenty of Power!

I feel so proud of Deb and me - for working a little bit harder to take care of our needs. For showing up with Mother Nature. For "opening up" her Raspberry Island! (Especially of Deb and all that she had to organize, prepare, and face to make this happen!) I could feel the power of the island, the power within me, and the power within Deb. On this, my 54th birthday. The start of my White Rhythmic Wind year.

As we talked about it more, the "no electricity, no running water" seemed even more ridiculous! What about all this solar and wind power just right here?! Asking...Begging...to be collected! To be in partnership with us!

Living on, or even spending a considerable amount of time on the island, for Deb, means that there needs to be a way to stay connected to the national and global community that she's a part of. As a student, as a teacher, as a coach and healer. (read her latest blog about Raspberry Island here...) This means she needs a power source for her phone and computer. The Sun and the Wind were asking to be just that!

There are two houses/cabins on the island. One had not been "opened" in many years. We entered it, Deb outfitted with her yellow slicker, headlamp, and hammer to unbolt the shutters, and me with a broom to clear the way of cobwebs, and sweep up all the dead bugs, for her to get to the windows! You see why I was proud!

Deb's hope is that people will want to come and unplug here on Raspberry Island. Watch sunsets, do Qoya and yoga, have meaningful conversations, drink herbal teas and cacao, commune with the lake, have moon and fire ceremonies, receive restoration - deep rest. (We tested out these practices during our stay. They all work really well! Watching the sunsets takes no effort whatsoever!) And especially that it will be a place of healing and reconciliation from racial, religious, and familial trauma and pain.

The rocks, the native grasses, the gaggles of geese who nest on the island, the honeysuckle bushes, the Grandmother tree, the fairy path. The wind, the sun, the rain, and the lake are all full of power! They shared it with us... and they will share it with whoever feels called to come.

The downside is - Raspberry Island is only open from the end of May til the end of August. The weather is just too brutal other times. We dreamed - intended - (May 26 was the full moon/lunar eclipse after all!) for these power sources to be functional for her ASAP. What about the other 9 months of the year? Turns out, there's some intense sun in Austin, TX too!

I'm exploring how to partner with the sun, and the rain, maybe the wind too, as a power source, for my little house in Austin. I'm so grateful for Deb's invitation to adventure into Raspberry Island in upstate New York, on my 54th birthday! And for recognizing my description - "no electricity, and no running water" - as the phenomenal cosmic joke that it is!

Here's to all the power that lives inside of you! To listening for how to Charge it with the Divine Power Source and all the ways She shows up! Sun. Wind. Water. Energy. Love, Friendship. Healing Paths. Pine Trees...

Thank you for entering into my island adventure with me! So much Love and Gratitude!

Alisa

Georgia On My Mind

I'm intentionally sharing this, the story of the road that leads me back to Georgia, on January 15, 2021, the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, who was born and began his inspiring leadership in Atlanta. I am also in awe of the many Black-bodied (mostly women!) organizers who knocked on doors, and encouraged the people of Georgia to let their voices be heard, resulting in the Rev Raphael Warnock and Jon Osoff winning the runoff election on January 5, to represent the people of Georgia in the US Senate. It's not about healing racism directly - but it is about a heart opening. And that's necessary to heal racism!

I found myself sitting on the front porch of a rustic and simple, but quite cozy and comfortable, cabin, looking out into the woods at the almost-full moon of November 30.  The full moon in Gemini, (I'm a Gemini...)full lunar eclipse, visible within 100 miles from me, had the snow clouds not blown in.  The woods of the mountains of North Georgia - Dawsonville, to be exact.   

 From Ray Charles - Georgia, O Georgia...

Located down an old gravel mining road with run-down double-wides, crisp new American flags, and Trespassers Will be Shot signs.  And UNclear delineations of where those property lines may lie.  I was a bit afraid as I drove in just after dark!  Nevertheless, I was warmly welcomed by my Airbnb host, to my clean, tidy, and, for me in my white body, safe home for the weekend.

"Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear drenched communities and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love...will shine over our great nation with their scintillating beauty."  MLK, Jr

I haven’t been to these mountains in over 30 years.  I don’t even think I have driven through them (and I've done A LOT of driving).  They were an integral part of my childhood, though!  A bit of curiosity and creativity, and courage, brought me back. 

Emerging out of a fairly isolated CoronaVirus quarantine, I chose to take a cross-country road trip, ultimately to meet up with my beautiful friend and colleague, Dana Gillispie, in the Pisgah National Forest in NC.  I managed to find a way to bring the dog, pieced together where I would stop, and who I would see, and spend extended time with only one person (my sister in MS) before greeting Dana in NC. 

Taking the more southern route to NC lead me through the beginning of the Appalachian mountains in Georgia, where I had spent the summers of my childhood, camping with my family and several others, as well as attending Episcopal church camp.  I was excited to explore those old stomping grounds!  I knew that it would be beautiful and refreshing, a nice reprieve from being at home.  I knew I would hike (I hoped on the Appalachian Trail) and drink in the sound of waterfalls and streams.  I intended to find the specific places I had been to as a kid.  

What I didn’t anticipate, though, were the feelings of love and connection that welled up within me as I drove on the windy roads through the Appalachians.  The deep gratitude I felt for the few colorful leaves left on the branches of the trees, the soft sounds of walking through fallen leaves, the evergreen pines, the gurgling of the streams, the sheer magnitude of the steep climb up the mountain.  Even as I write these words almost two months later, the tears spring up in my eyes.  O Georgia, my peace I find...

I was taking in this amazing land through my heart! Possibly for the first time. There had been so many layers between my senses and my heart when I was young. It was guarded well.

Now the sights, sounds, and smells touched me in such a powerful way!  Evidence that the capacity of my heart to take in beauty has greatly expanded!  I fall in love with the North Georgia mountains, as the woman I have become. Just an old sweet song...

I felt at home in the mountains as a child and a teenager - mostly that attachment came through the experiences I had there.  Happy times with family and friends, horses, streams.  I don’t know that I actually loved them....keeps Georgia on my mind.

I left Georgia almost 30 years ago.  The adventure at that time was coming to the city (“Big D”), going to graduate school, starting my career, finding a relationship.  With parents divorced and moved away from where I grew up, siblings gone, there was no “home” to come back to.  Home was where I created it.  Home was wherever my space was, where I lived.

In those 30 years, I have taken a deep dive into my Being.  Contemplative practices, healing and inner work, energy work, plant medicine, horse medicine, deep friendships.  I have been grieving and healing pains and losses from childhood, as well as trauma from my ancestry.  I’ve had my heart broken multiple times.  The depths the healing journey has taken me are astounding to me!  

"Only a refusal to hate or kill can put an end to the chain of violence in the world and lead us toward a community where [we] can live together without fear.  Our goal is to create a beloved community and this will require a qualitative change in our souls, as well as a quantitative change in our lives."  MLK, Jr

The path taken lead me to finding that feeling of "Home" right there in my heart.  With myself.  To more fully inhabiting the body of the woman I am.  The blockages on the inner road, between the senses of the body and heart, have been cleared. 

The way is opened for me to feel Home, especially in the Georgia Appalachians. 

It's as if the land, the Mountains, are reaching out to take my hand, whispering in my ear, asking me to dance, wooing my heart and soul.  O Georgia,...the road leads back to you!

"Yes!" is my answer to dancing with the Appalachian Mountains in Georgia! 

Shortly after returning to Austin from my SouthEast US excursion, I booked a cabin in North Georgia for a whole month, beginning in March!  I know I’m going to find trails, and waterfalls, wildlife, peace and quiet.  I imagine I will have visits from family members and friends who live closer to there than here.  (If you want to come for a healing retreat while I'm there, be sure to reach out!)

I have a strong sense that I’m going to find something else too!  It could be something that already lives deep within me.  It could be people I need to connect with.  It could be a deepening relationship with the mountains themselves.  I would like it to include connecting with the Spirit and traditions of the Indigenous peoples, whose home it was prior to colonization.  It could be that there is important healing work for me to participate in there.

I made a deep fast from most things electronic while on my road trip through Georgia and NC.  No news, no emails.  When I returned the first week in December, the Senate race runoff was a huge story!  All eyes were on Georgia!  It had everything to do with racial healing and justice!  At the same time as my heart had been pulled there! 

Maybe it will simply be the joy that comes from entering through a portal that has beckoned to me.

I was never so proud to be "from" Georgia as on November 5!  I believe that Dr. King was supporting and guiding the courageous people of Georgia from the spiritual realms!

Meanwhile, I have this amazing, cozy, spiritual, and healing space in Austin!  The kitchen was getting a makeover as I was playing in the mountains!  A beautiful new wood ceiling makes it feel like a cabin!

Why am I thinking about coming to Georgia when I'm making my house so much more beautiful? Believe me - I have some parts that are asking that!  Why? I'm simply following the energy! (Low-flying hawks crossing my path is a way I know that energy is calling!  What's the sign you receive?)  

Maybe the energy is leading someone else to spend time in Austin this Spring?  Maybe the energy calls for a writing retreat?  A change of scenery while working from home?  It will bring me joy to share my lovely space with someone who has gifts to receive from this part of the world! 

Where is the energy in your life leading you?  Which portal is beckoning you to walk through?  Does your heart need some healing so it can open more fully?  Do you connect with the sensual world, so that the body and the heart can communicate with each other?  Let me know what comes up for you!  And know that an intentional walk down the healing road is what leads you back to You!

If you haven't already, I strongly encourage you to consider two books at this auspicious time of honoring and celebrating the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  I Have a Dream, Writings & Speeches that changed the world. Edited by James E Washington

And My Grandmother's Hands, Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem.

Buy them from a Black-Owned Independent Bookstore.

Crazy Grief, Mind-Shattering Heartbreak

I’ve heard people refer to the kind of grief that rattles the mind, that breaks the heart in two, that makes you question the reality you thought you were living in. I’ve heard people talk about it, but I never experienced it myself, not in a conscious way…

…until now.

Now I know what "those people” are talking about. I know the physical pain in the center of the chest. I know the sense of being shattered into a thousand pieces. I know the confusion of looking out the same window, seeing the same sights, and yet nothing looks the same. I am those people.

Oh Lord! When my mind goes to trying to make sense of things, like any good analyzer will do, then the craziness really explodes! Did I really experience that? Is anything I thought to be true, really true? What does 2+2 equal, now?

Many of you are aware that my Dad passed away in the middle of October (2019). He died after a 7 + year ride with Alzheimer’s, the last 3 of which he was virtually unable to communicate. As sad as it is to not have him on this earthly plane with us, his death is a release for him, and for those of us who love him. In addition, Dad has not been a part of my daily life for many, many years. His death, for me, is not mind blowing, or ego-shattering.

The same week, though, as many events and streams of energy lined up, my significant relationship began to completely and totally unravel. In ways that, through all of our challenges and previous separations, were utterly shocking. (You may read here “infidelity,” but I could have handled that.)

I don’t write this in any way to expose, blame, or denigrate this person in any way. I love him.

I write because it’s my current reality. Because I now have an understanding of what that earth-breaking-apart grief feels like. And because I think it deserves some words. Even though words will only partially express it. (Wailing and screaming are a little closer to the essence of it!)

And I write because I recognize the lack of rituals and loving, supportive containers that we have for such experiences. Even when we are experiencing the physical death of a loved one, have the wake, the obituary and the funeral, we don’t tend to talk about the more primal emotional and mental anguish.

Oh my! What about the children who experience sudden loss of a parent or sibling?? In a culture of hiding intense emotion! My mother is among many people I know closely who have experienced this agonizing loss! And whose emotions and life-shattering experience were completely ignored and overlooked.

With the death of a relationship, especially one without the communal container of marriage, we are totally left hanging! Even when folks get divorced, there’s not too many healing or spiritual rituals beyond going to a support group or getting on a dating website!

With Dad, we got to come from our different parts of the country, have prayers and a worship service, tell stories and celebrate his life. Not so, when a relationship dies! We feel broken, ashamed, unsettled, lost. With no sacred container to hold us.

There’s still the loss though. The smells, the touches. The shared meals and shared sense of humor. The deep conversations and the conversations about nothing. The arguments. The sound of a voice. The emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical ache.

Yes, there are circumstances and dynamics. There are reasons. There even may be a little freedom and relief. There is all kinds of inner child healing going on, let me tell you. But it doesn’t change the heartbreak and the loss. There was genuine connection, love, intimacy, friendship. We went to a part heaven, and then some of hell together. It creates this juxtaposition that I can’t make work in my mind. No sense is made. In that place, all the reasons in the world, and all of the gifts that are going to come out of it, make it “right.” Even when some part of me knows that it must be. Because it IS .

Oh, and there is that little thing of me being a therapist and a Spiritual Director. I clearly don’t have my relationship shit together! I’ve been having a show down with God too! The shame! There’s enough of that for it’s own separate article, I can assure you!

I know enough to see that the degree of my ego-disintegrating grief in the loss of this treasured relationship runs way more deep in me than the current situation. It most definitely contains within it the unexpressed grief of my mother’s traumatic loss in her childhood. And occasions of the loss of my own power in my early childhood. And the remnants of other losses.

I’m exploring all of that, and hope to share it with you as the journey unfolds.

So here I am, with my open heart, the bleeding mostly stopped. It’s been undergoing intensive surgery, of which the heart-break of break-up is just one phase. No longer in the grips of the intense pain, I can put these words together. Make no mistake - I am still grieving. I miss my guy like nobody’s business!

But I am coming out of the cage with it. I will continue to share. I offer gratitude for your attention. And healing for the grief you may find yourself walking through. I know it may feel like you are drowning sometimes! You are not alone. And neither am I!

You are Mine...I Love You...

This is a story about Synchronicity.  About Embracing the Shadow.  About Healing.  And indirectly, about Dreams.

A few years ago, as I was cruising through Facebook, I came upon a post from Brother Jim, a monk at the Pecos Benedictine Monastery in Pecos, NM, that caught my attention.  One of my Teachers, Sister (Sr.) Miriam, was nearing the end of her life.

Sr. Miriam, the Benedictine nun.  Sr. Miriam, the Dreamworker.

Sr. Miriam, a Harbinger of Compassion, a Spiritual Director, a Reconciler of the Soul.  

Way before I knew the "parts work" of Internal Family Systems, this Wise Woman guided me, with direction and example, of the power of embracing ALL of my self, even those aspects that I wanted to reject, deny, or somehow relegate to the dungeon of unacceptability.  She showed me how to reach these pockets of energy as they appeared in my dreams.

It "just so happened" that I was at the start of a class on Jungian Principles at the Seminary of the Southwest in Austin.  And was in the middle of a synchronicity, involving that class, that lead me to deepen my understanding of my own inner journey of re-connecting with the Feminine, and the ways that society, and particularly the Church, has become disconnected from Her.  Read that story here.

Having been trained in Jungian Depth Psychology and DreamWork, Sr. Miriam was a much sought after Spiritual Director and Retreat Guidess.  She sent me, and many others, off to Love the areas of personality that are hard to Love.

The anger.  The shame.  The entitled.  The parts that could hurt others.

A wash of emotion came over me when I learned that she was dying, even though I had not seen her in many years, and even though I had only sat with her for a handful of hours.  Nevertheless, she had left her mark on my heart, and in my work. 

I had consistently been acknowledging her as part of the lineage of Teachings that I offered on working with dreams, on inner work, and on working with the Shadow.  Her Presence had been with me often throughout the years!

Not only that,  I had just visited the monastery, not 2 months prior, and had some affectionate time with her cat, Mineu, who repeatedly came to nap on the extra bed in my room, or on my suitcase!  The first of this degree of intimacy this tiger-like cat had ever offered me in the 15 years I had been visiting the monastery!

I'll share an example of Sr. Miriam Wisdom...After she had guided me to a part of myself that was disconnected, that had been rejected by my "good" parts, she would instruct me to have an energy toward that part that was welcoming and embracing.  She would move her arms in a gathering motion, as if bringing a person toward her for an embrace.  The way we motion for someone to come close so we can hug them. 

She modeled compassion and acceptance, saying, (as if to the disconnected part), "I see you.  You are mine.  I love you."  

Powerful Stuff!  To be Recognized.  To be Claimed.  To be Welcomed.  To be Accepted.  To be Loved.

The woman who stayed with Sr. Miriam during those last weeks of her life, graciously read my letter to her, and I kept in touch through Facebook, to know how she was doing, and when she was finally able to cross over into the next life.  I felt such a strong re-connection with her.  I was very touched that, when arrangements had been made for her memorial service, this woman sent me that information.

A Huge Synchronicity continued to unfold!  I noticed that the celebration of Sr. Miriam's life was to be held in Natick,  MA.  Even though I met her in New Mexico, I knew she was from Boston.  But I didn't expect to see Natick!  You see, I had been traveling there (from Texas)  for almost 20 years to visit my brother and my niece and nephew.  I called my brother to ask if he would be willing to attend the service on my behalf, which he readily agreed to do.  When he saw the announcement, he noticed that Sr Miriam had been living out these last days of her life in a nursing care facility where his wife (then girlfriend) worked.  As it turned out, my sister-in-law actually helped to care for Sr. Miriam!

This just blew me away! As you can imagine!  With the synchronicity that synchronistically was taking place simultaneously (redundancy intended!!) in the Jungian Dream class, I knew it was for me to pay attention!.  During some of those days, the ground under my feet eluded me, caught up as I was in the spirit that transcends time and space.

I felt like a mantle was being passed, energetically.  From a woman steeped in the traditions of the Catholic Church from early in the 20th century, yet able to be open to the Feminine energy of deep inner work.  A woman who taught by guidance, and by example, that it is Compassion that Heals.  And that Nothing is beyond welcoming, healing, loving.

As you may know, doing DreamWork is one of my favorite things!  It is for that reason that I included a session for it, close to my birthday, within A Year of Spiritual Practices - A feminine Lens, a series of Sacred Circles.  (It's next Tuesday, May 21, from 7-9pmCST.)

DreamWork is definitely a spiritual practice, as well as a regular way to open the doors to our hearts, minds, and souls.  As I often express to my clients, dreams can help guide the whole process of healing and transformation, if you are able to listen to them in a deep way.  

Are synchronicities lining up in your life?  Have you had a big dream lately, or a series of them that won't let you go?  Are you on the cusp of a shift or change, a time of expansion, and want to be intentional about moving into the new, listening to your dreams and your parts for guidance?  I would love to accompany you on that journey, if what you read here resonates with you!  Email me so we can chat a bit more!

I send a strong wave of gratitude to Sr. Miriam - that she was willing to follow her own inner guidance, that she taught with such humility, humor, and compassion, and that she opened up the power of DreamWork for me!

Walk with Your Whole Foot Upon the Earth

I participated in a retreat this past weekend in Bell County, TX with the St Hildegard’s Community in Austin. It’s a place where I received a powerful message about being Treasured and Called in 2013. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect during this visit with an entirely different group, at a completely different place in my life.

I was not to be disappointed!

The place is called Cedarbrake, and, true to it’s name, the grounds are home to lots of cedar trees. You might be familiar with this central Texas terrain. Cedar trees form more like groves, than forests, since they aren’t very tall. Alongside the wood-chip delineated trails, the earth gives way to slabs of rock. At Cedarbrake, as in other places, those slabs form a ridge that extends over a 30+ ft canyon. One of those ridges was the first stop on my hike, during the 18 hour silent time we entered.

As I heard the water from the small river below, and the birds singing to each other, I felt a pull to lay belly-down on the rock overlooking the canyon. I imagined the indigenous peoples of this land, known to be Comanche land, walking along the river silently, without disrupting the other creatures inhabiting the area. I imagined that the birds wouldn’t be sending out warning cries for them - there would be no need since they walked as if One with the Earth.

Guantanamo.

The word came to me as I imagined the scene from centuries ago. It had come to me in a dream some weeks ago, and just recently I realized that “Guantanamo” must be the name of one of my Spirit Guides. Or Wise Man archetype, if that feels better to you.

I asked for Guantanamo to make his appearance to me during this silent walking meditation experience. Though I was skeptical about whether I would recognize his presence, I set off from my rocky perch with cautious expectation.

I returned to the path, and continued walking. I passed another retreatant, sat on another ledge, pulled out the rock I had been carrying in my pocket, and watched the vultures hover overhead. After a bit, I headed back.

My feet started hurting me. “Damn these new shoes of mine!” I thought. But then I clearly heard the instruction, “you need to take off your shoes and walk barefoot.”

“Okay,” I thought. I’ve learned to follow these intuitions and instructions, even when they don’t make total sense. So I took off my shoes and socks, and began to walk barefoot on the path.

It’s February and I haven’t been walking barefoot very much…my feet are a little tender and soft. I walked gingerly on the sides and the balls of my feet.

Until I heard, “Walk with your whole foot on the earth. You people have gotten used to concrete, and use only parts of your feet to walk with. The earth requires that you walk with your whole foot upon Her.”

I recognized that I was being instructed in a big way, and I adjusted my step.

Every once in a while I stepped on a rock, or something a little sharp, and my foot would flinch, causing me to hobble - walking on only a small area of the sole of my foot.

“Keep your foot relaxed, even when you experience pain. You people tense up when pain comes. The Earth way is to relax and allow. This helps us move through the pain, the pain move through us. You people learn to avoid the pain, as if that would benefit you more. You flinch instead of leaning into it. When you allow, and lean in, pain is then your ally, your guide and teacher.”

And then, “Allow your pain to pass through your feet into the Earth. And not only your pains, but your tensions, your frustrations, your angers and betrayals. Mother Earth receives all of these with joy! They are Her nourishment and sustenance, just as the dead branches and leaves feed Her. Allow Her to heal you this way, as you heal her by these offerings. “

I’m not sure at what point I recognized Guantanamo, my Spirit Guide, as the One doing the instrusting. He had, indeed, responded to my request to reveal himself more clearly. Just like before, a powerful message came through at Cedarbrake. This time through a generous Indigenous Teacher.

The physical aspect of this teaching resonates strongly. What with high heels, pointy toes, and concrete to walk upon, it is rare that our whole foot has contact with the Earth. Things hurt our bodies less when we don’t tense up.

The emotional and spiritual understanding of the teaching will continue to unfold, I’m sure. For now, the lesson of leaning into and allowing the pains of life without resistance, rings so true. The times I experience emotional pain, are doorways into the depths of my being, and into the vast reserves of Courage and Strength that are there waiting to be expressed in my living.

As a woman who wants to participate in the Healing of the Earth, the idea that me placing my entire sole on the path that I walk, and releasing my tensions and troubles into the ground beneath me, is part of the Circle of Life with the Earth - well, it just brings home that it’s a real relationship She and I have. One that I want to attend to and nurture.

What do these Guantanamo messages speak to you? What tensions and frustrations, pains and betrayals are ready to be released into the Mother? What resistances could relax so that your pain can become your ally and guide? Are you being called to explore your own depths and heal? And in the process discover what power lies in your reserve? I would love to accompany you on that journey!

I would love to assist you to Walk with Your Whole Foot Upon the Earth!

Alisa Carr, Spiritual Director, LCSW, DreamWorker, and Contemplative/Eye of the Heart

Buds to Blossoms!

It finally rained here in Austin last week! It rained a lot. And the heat broke a little bit.

And then I noticed that all my native plants had flower buds on them! The very next day they had burst into bloom! I’ve come to look forward to my flower garden in the fall. Surprisingly, it shows itself off best at the end of September. On the Fall Equinox, it looks just like Springtime around here!

All it took was some rain!

As I prepare for a new series in Sacred Circles, A Year of Spiritual Practices from a Feminine Perspective, I couldn’t help but make the comparison to my own process of “blooming.” It is with a regular practice of tuning into myself and into the Creative Life-Giving Spirit, that I come into my fullest Self. Which is ever evolving, and growing, blooming - with the right amount of water and sunshine, just like the Texas natives.

It wasn’t always that way. There was a time when my soul was akin to being in a dark room with no water, no sun, and stale air. A time when I was completely unfamiliar with practices that could connect me with the Spirit, and with mySelf.

I have offered great compassion to that young 20's woman, who had no idea what to do with her emotions, her thoughts, her sense of disconnection.  No idea how to connect with the immense spiritual support and love always surrounding her.

I didn't know about contemplative prayer or meditation.  I didn't know about reading sacred texts with my heart opened.  I didn't know about journaling.  Even though I went to a liturgical church, I didn't feel connected to the rituals and sacrament.  

I didn't know the vast source of guidance within me, and within creation, that was always coming through in my dreams, through synchronicity, through intuitive knowing, through cycles - cycles of seasons, of the moon, even the cycles of the church year.

I didn't know how to enter the imaginal realm - with the "parts" of my personality, with my inner child, with archetypal energies, with all of the forms through which God shows God's Self.  I didn't know that God could show up in a Feminine body and form! 

I had begun to separate from a deep connection to nature through horses and camping in the woods - a separation that wouldn't reconcile for almost 20 years.

I hadn't yet touched the Southwest and the deep and mysterious spirituality of the First Nations peoples.  I didn't yet know of the magical and deep ways the Holy Spirit had moved through so many women throughout time (yes - EVEN in the Church, when the powers-that-be thought that was impossible!).

I didn't yet know of the healing power that was trapped within my own being; or of the beauty that could come forth through art - from MY hands and heart!  Of the power of vibration and sound, even though I had been playing the piano most of my life.

I am convinced that it is in opening to the Spirit that dwells in our hearts, that the creative and healing power emerges!  And that we open to that Divine energy through spiritual practices, such as the ones I have mentioned here. 

Yes, the spiritual practices enable to us to connect with the Spiritual, God, the Source of All that Is.  AND the way to that connection is through our very own hearts, through our very own pain and healing, through our very own relationship with ourselves.  

Do you want to deepen, widen, and expand your own healing, your natural creativity, your sense of connection within yourSelf and to the Creative Spirit?  Are you tired of being on your own in your spiritual journey?  Are you in that place of not quite knowing what to do and how to do it, to take that next step along the way?

This is what Sacred Circles is all about! Please connect with me to learn more, to ask any questions, or to share your own thoughts about spiritual practices and your journey!

peace and healing!

Alisa Carr, Spiritual Director and LCSW -

Eye of the Heart

Magical Wisdom from The Magdalene Retreat 2018, Part I

The Magdalene:  Wild and Wounded, Anointress, Beloved - A Retreat for Wisening Women debuted on July 20, 2018.  It was a profound and intimate experience, the seeds of which, I am quite sure, will be producing sprouts of growth, and ripened fruit for months to come for all of us who were present!  I intend for you,also, to experience some of the ripples of that magical weekend!  Let them roll over you in a refreshing and moving kind of way!

And men - please stay tuned!  An idea is gestating for a co-ed retreat - probably next Fall!  What I have to share applies to you too!

The weekend was, indeed, Magical!  With moments, and teachings, and synchronicities that spoke what mere words and even purposeful action struggle to relate.  Let me share a few lessons about Magic that I learned, and created space for.

THE MAGIC OF TRUST

You know those moments when you really have no choice but to trust?  Or any other choice will send you into a tailspin, a frenzy, or a freak-out?  I felt those moments as the retreat was drawing near.

Early in the week prior to the opening day of the retreat, my computer crashed.  It wasn't like there was anything critical to the workings of the retreat on it, but anything I may have wanted to print out, etc. - just to be organized and professional - wasn't going to happen! 

There were also those little extras that I had wanted to include - symbols of Mary Magdalene, artwork.  Details that I hadn't tended to.   I was feeling guilty about a "lackadaisacal" part of me that I thought may have taken over. 

And such a small group we had - would the participants feel like they were receiving a complete experience without more people to add their energy?

Deep within, though, I heard a Feminine voice calling me to trust Her.  I recognized that voice as Mary Magdalene.

She did not disappoint! 

There are many symbols associated with Mary Magdalene - symbols that appear over and over in the artwork, writings, and legends.  Among these are the chalice, the pomegranate, the fleur de lis, the unicorn.  One by one, throughout the weekend, the symbols began appearing, even though I had not collected them like I intended.  Pomegranate chocolate from HEB.  The fleur de lis printed on the front page of one woman's journal.  A unicorn on the angel card I drew the first night.  The "unicorn thread" that had been used for knitting a hat by one of the participants all weekend.  The use of "unicorn" as a term of endearment from another.  Upon reflection, we could all see how Mary Magdalene had been whispering to us throughout our time together.  Always guiding and supporting, always loving and encouraging.

Our group of 4 women  - a magical group to be sure!  Not to diminish how others could have or would have added beautiful energy - but it was clear that, as we are always invited to trust, the group was divinely formed.  The number 4 was perfect!  A number of bringing something into consciousness.  A number of stability and strength.  Those who participated, mature in their healing and spiritual journeys, came together, creating a nurturing and strong womb within which new life could be incubated.

For me, all of these signs and symbols, as well as witnessing how our little group came together, each one, was a little voice saying - "See - I told you.  This is all a part of a greater energy than yours.  It's all taken care of.  Just trust me."

You may not be planning a retreat, or any other event.  But chances are you have something going on in your life that needs you to take a step back, stop believing that it all relies on your energy or control, and trust.  Look around for the signs and symbols that leave no doubt that there is a greater energy supporting and guiding you.

There were at least two other themes of Magic in the weekend - I'll share those before too long - in Parts II and III of this blog post.  In the meantime, open yourself to what and how you might be invited to trust!

I mentioned that new life was/is being incubated.  Because it was immediately clear that this retreat does not stand alone - it is the beginning of something much bigger!  I can't say exactly what that "bigger" is yet, but it has to do with bringing men and women, masculine and feminine, strength and vulnerability, together.  It has to do with promoting the healing arts, as well as opening to a deep spirituality.  And it has to do with creating space to foster intimate partnership, and conscious relationship - with Mary Magdalene and Jesus as our guides.

While that idea is baking, I already have the next The Magdalene - A Retreat for Wisening Women retreat on the calendar!  I can't wait to share the experience with more amazing women who are looking to deepen their own healing and connection with the Divine - however it chooses to show up!

Alisa Carr/Eye of the Heart, Spiritual Director, DreamWorker, LCSW

My Dad and Me...And Alzheimer's

“You’re just gonna have to trust me.”

I heard the words fly out of my mouth before I could even think --- unusual for me, who analyzes everything before saying it. Especially noticeable because these particular words were addressed to my Dad.

In that moment, I saw and experienced myself in relation to my Dad in a whole new way --- as an adult. In that moment, I also knew that everything was changing between us. Now he needed me. I was the one with the answers, the solution, the literal map for the way forward.

Dad was lost. Dad, who taught me how to read a map, how to follow road signs. Dad, who I had trusted, always, to lead the way on windy mountain roads, through mountain trails, and through thickets, was lost. On a road with road signs.

About the third time he called me that November night, as he made his way from Georgia to Austin, hauling Grandpa Jim’s baby grand piano in a little trailer behind his truck, I suddenly got it.  

“Oh - I see what’s going on here!!”, I thought. My Dad has a sense of humor, and I assumed he had been teasing with his comments and questions, staying in touch with his calls to stay alert.

In that moment of clarity I realized what was actually happening.

My Dad was confused. And scared. He didn’t know where he was and he didn’t know how to find his way. Then and there, I knew that he had a “thing” going on in his brain, and that I needed to take charge.

Thus began the journey with Dad’s Alzheimer’s. The diagnosis wouldn’t come for a couple more months, and once it did, Dad referred to that trip with the piano, and my knowing that something wasn’t right with him, even though he couldn’t yet acknowledge that at the time. Once the diagnosis came, it made a lot of irritating and strange communications make much more sense.

Dad’s Alzheimer’s forced him into retirement. He had been a physician for almost 50 years. One of those doctors who works 18+ hour days, and goes to work on most of the holidays. Was he a workaholic? Maybe? But mostly, people’s lives depended on him --- he saved a lot of them. He was a Healer.

Being retired, Dad actually stayed in touch with my siblings and me much more than he had previously. We noticed a gentleness about him. He was more considerate and thoughtful. He was attentive, and loving.  

People with Alzheimer’s commonly experience a great deal of emotions in the beginning stages. Dad was a pretty emotional kind of guy anyway, so this wasn’t completely new. In the years just prior to his diagnosis, it seemed that every time we were together there were many tears flowing. It was kind of like a purging.

Dad had begun to express his pain, his sadness, his remorse and regret, for the way his actions during my childhood had impacted my siblings and me, and my mom. It was emotional for me too, because all of the things he had such sorrow and pain about, I had also experienced sorrow and pain from.

I am incredibly appreciative of those conversations ---that Dad was willing to talk about such tender subjects; that he was willing to sit with my pain and his own.

I am a therapist. A Spiritual Director. A DreamWorker. A Contemplative. I had been doing inner work for over 20 years by the time these conversations started taking place. It always amazes me --- and often frustrates me --- that an issue, or a period in life, that I have already spent so much time acknowledging, processing, and doing healing work on, keeps coming back up.  

With the compassionate and gentle approach of my own Spiritual Director, I came to just accept this as part of the journey. She would tell me that “healing is not linear --- healing is like a spiral.”

Even when we are becoming more conscious and intending to resolve our relationship with the past, or with people, we keep coming back around to the same issue, or the same painful memory. But that spiral is open - expanding or drilling down --- so we are constantly moving through, although it often feels like going round and round in circles.

My relationship with my Dad, and the relationship I had with my teenage self, who had experienced the pain of divorce and the impact of my particular family dynamics, had already spiraled around numerous times. I had been doing my work.

It’s not like I was intending to be prepared for my Dad to lose himself, the parts of him that I knew and felt connected and attached to. But that’s what happened. In the moment when I saw clearly, I had already tended to my inner vulnerabilities in such a way that no thinking was required to respond.

To say, “You’re just going to have to trust me, Dad.”

I had created space within so that the deepest parts of my Being ---my inner wisdom and strength---could just flow through.

At least that’s how I’ve come to view it. I was emotionally and mentally prepared to take the reins and go find my Dad --- who was lost.  

I can hear the words, “nothing can prepare you for the decline of your parents,” especially the way that Alzheimer’s hijacks a person’s senses and personality. I think that’s probably true. But I will also tell you that I think there is something that can soften the blow.

And that is to have worked through the "Daddy issues" before the crisis point. To have grown up on the inside. To have listened to the areas of loss and pain and hurt. To have acknowledged how my protectiveness from those vulnerabilities had impacted my life and decisions and relationships.

Dad is now toward the end-stages of Alzheimer’s, requiring him to live in a facility. He can’t communicate very much, and if the hallways were made of grass (I so wish they were!),  he would have worn a path with how much he walks them.

I miss the Dad that he used to be, but I also love the Dad that I find each time I go to visit.

It’s emotional, for sure, initially, not being able to connect in the way that feels natural and comfortable. But I have come to look forward to simply Being with him. Sharing the same space, breathing the same air, knowing that soul and spirit connect in ways that are far beyond words, or reason, or logic.

It only requires my presence and attention; and then, every once in a while, he looks up and holds my eyes with his bright blue gaze. Yes, I am contemplative by nature. I also know that my years of inner work, contemplative prayer, and ability to be in Stillness have prepared me for this.  

I am so grateful.

Alisa

Mary Magdalene - Divine Feminine

(written on April 18, 2018)

The next chapter in the story of my journey with Mary Magdalene.  Looking back, I now see that she was leading me into some unknown, and at times a little scary, territory!

I'm not sure I even knew it was a Thing, this new territory.

I'm speaking of the Divine Feminine!  There are stories within stories that brought me to Her.  I see now that Mary Magdalene was the catalyst!  As I write this I realize that the timing coincides with the ways I was connecting so intimately with her in my prayer with the scriptures - the stories I have already been telling.  Wow!!  2006.

Remember The Davinci Code?  I read that book with a fervor, discussing it with a friend who turned me on to it.  I wanted to see the movie when it came out, so I hurried to read the book first.

Although I couldn't really imagine there being a physical bloodline of Jesus, the idea that there were secrets and truths hidden from the public seemed totally believable to me!  I had no idea the extent to which this was true!

Some years later, I found myself reading a clandestine copy of Mary Magdalene, Bride in Exile, by Margaret Starbird, which I stumbled upon on one of my regular visits to Half Price Books.  I was living with a quite conservative woman at the time, and I remember feeling almost like I needed to hide the title of the book, so as not to arouse suspicion! (Can you say "projection"??  My own suspicious part rising up!)

It was the first scholarly writing I had encountered that dug deeper into the mysteries of Mary Magdalene.  I was amazed at the possibility that what I was so intrigued with in The DaVinci Code, might actually have some merit!

I was in transition.  I felt a call to more - but I didn't yet know what that MORE was.   I had to learn to listen to my own inner Desire, versus thinking that I needed to line myself up with some specific Divine Will that might NOT want me to do what I REALLY wanted.  When I did that, with the support and guidance of a Spiritual Director, I felt the MORE was to be in Austin!  

As my face turned toward Austin (from Bell County, Texas), I magically connected with someone who opened my eyes to a whole new way of honoring the Divine.  My path crossed with that of Heather Elizabeth Neary in ways that can only be explained by Divine Intervention.  I will tell you that complete story one day, but, for now, suffice it to say that it was so profound, I knew that it was from "God."  

The faith, the trust, that the Spirit was at work in what I was being exposed to, even though I had a part that was afraid I was somehow betraying my religion, helped me open up to the Divine Feminine that Heather and her teachers and mentors held space for so beautifully.  And who did I run into there, but Mary Magdalene! (As well as Mother Mary/Our Lady of Guadalupe)

Christianity, in the way that it has been revealed these last hundreds of years, doesn't have ownership of these powerful Feminine Beings.  There are all kinds of legends, stories, and spiritual traditions that were unknown to me.  This Mary Magdalene was even depicted as being pregnant with the seed of Jesus.  It would be some more time before I really explored these other traditions associated with Mary Magdalene.  But finding a familiar figurine, no matter what the story associated with her was, invited me to take a serious look at, and engage deeply with this Divine Feminine aspect of God.  

Shortly after this, I happened on the work by Cynthia Bourgeault that has been so transformative for me - The Meaning of Mary Magdalene.  

What's the takeaway here?  Mary Magdalene, and the path she has been leading me on, uncovers for me the Divine Feminine aspect of the Creator.  I see how it has been hidden and buried, demised and slandered - just like Mary Magdalene herself.  My next blog post, which is a continuation of the Sacred Circles series, also ties in...I'm right now amazed at the way in which this played out!  A synchronicity with my dreams and my Jungian class!  Be sure to catch it in a few days!

What is the Divine Feminine?  Let's save that exploration for the next part of the story...But, in the meantime, keep your eyes, ears, and heart open to see how She might be making her Presence known to you - maybe for the first time, and maybe in an even more expanded way.

I had no idea where this writing project was going to take me - I've known the highlights, but the details start presenting themselves to me as I write them!  So, thank you so much for reading these stories, and letting them walk around in your head and heart.  I am having a blast sharing them with you!

I hope you are considering the retreat this summer - The Magdalene: Wild and Wounded, Anointress,  Beloved - A Retreat for Wisening Women, or sharing it with someone you know who would resonate with it.  You will get to draw from her depth and breadth, and bring the energy of Mary Magdalene into your own story!

with gratitude!

Alisa Carr/Eye of the Heart

Called By Name

(written on April 6, 2018)

We are 6 days into the season of Easter.  The season of New Life, New Beginnings, Resurrection.  What are you noticing along your journey?  What is beginning to show itself?  What is emerging...out of the cocoon, so to speak?  What transformation is trying to burst through??  How are you being called forth?

In the archetypal story of Jesus living, even after death, Mary Magdalene is, once again, a central figurine.  She is the one to whom he comes first, asking her to deliver the message of his return to the rest of the disciples.  

In this, she has often been called the "Apostle to the Apostles."  

I love the intimacy of the story.  Mary Magdalene has gone to the last place that she knew Jesus to be.  She wants to anoint his body one last time, but she finds him missing from his tomb.  In the Gospel of John, she stays close by, weeping.  She cannot bear to leave, and she doesn't know what to do with herself as she stays.

She is so wracked with grief, that when she sees Jesus, she thinks that it's the gardener!  It is in Jesus calling her by name, that her eyes are opened to who it is who is with her in this sacred moment.  

It feels like a profound message, a Truth.  To be called by name, and experience being known in that moment - and that you know the one who is doing the calling. 

This doesn't occur each time our name is called.  Like taking roll, or being called into a Dr's office.

But it does occur when the calling comes from someone close.  What's that particular tone that your mom or dad uses when they say your name?  Or your child?  How does it feel when your lover or partner calls you by name?  Whether it comes from a parent, a child, a lover, or your best friend, the sound of your name with the voice of someone who loves you touches a place, deep in the heart.

I've heard so many stories of people who hear their name being called even by a loved one who has passed on!  

Or maybe, when there is isolation and aloneness, you feel the absence of someone calling your name.  You want your name to be called in that close and intimate way.  You want to be known.

I love this story so much, because, once again, Mary Magdalene and Jesus show us an experience of deep love and connection.  One that we, as human beings, cherish and long for.  The story has opened me to hearing my own name being called.

By the Spirit.  And by others.  

When I respond by moving closer to the sound of that voice, it results in me being known more and more deeply.  By the Spirit.  And by others.

And then I am lead out.  To share myself and my gifts.  To listen and respond to the parts of myself that are opened up as a result of the connections.  To grow in ways I never imagined were even possible!

One of the ways I have been asked by the Divine Spirit to grow is by sharing myself in a more public way.  To that end, I created several Facebook Live Meditations during Holy Week, the week prior to Easter.  Please check them out!  

I also heard my name called to have a retreat this summer - July 20-22!  With Mary Magdalene as our Guiddess.  The Magdalene:  Wild and Wounded, Anointress, and Beloved - A Retreat for Wisening Women.  You will be hearing more about that as the time comes closer.  But please save the dates, and reserve your spot!!

Listen...your name is being called!  By the Divine Spirit.  And by others.  And by me!  Let it lead you out.  Listen to the parts of yourself that open up.  Ask it to grow you in ways you never imagined were even possible!  

Peace Be With You!!

Alisa Carr/Eye of the Heart

Anointress and Initiator

(written on March 25, 2018)

Mary Magdalene, the Anointer - let's say Anointress!

This is the layer of The Magdalene that I want to talk to you about today...and it is a potent and powerful day to be talking about her, for a couple of reasons.  I will get to those a little later...

What it took me many years to recognize is that there are different stories in the canonical scriptures about a woman anointing Jesus.  The first one, in Luke, I already talked about.  It was of a Wild and Wounded Woman, who experienced healing and transformation, pouring out her love and gratitude towards her Healer.

The stories that appear in Mark and John are not that at all.  In Mark, the unidentified woman anoints Jesus's head.  And in John she is actually named as Mary.  Both occur just before Jesus is arrested.  Here, she is the Anointress, who prepares Jesus for the final leg of his journey on the earth, in his physical body.

Mary took a pound of costly perfume made of pure nard, anointed Jesus' feet, and wiped them with her hair.  

She prepares him for what he is called to do.

She anoints him for his mission, for his purpose, for his Work.

She knows exactly what she is doing, for it is her role, as his Beloved.

This is where the Christian story and the story of The Magdalene that comes from the esoteric traditions of the Goddess, as well as Greek mythology meet. Mary Magdalene knew and practiced the healing art of anointing, some say, connected with a lineage from the Egyptian Goddess, Isis. 

The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 

The story of the King being anointed before a significant event or task is found throughout the mythologies in both Greece and Egypt.  It is the role of his Queen to do the honors.

There are two big transformational pieces here for me - and possibly for you too.

The Magdalene - Anointress

...a woman came with an alabaster jar of very costly ointment of nard, and she broke open the jar and poured the ointment on his head.  

One is that of Mary Magdalene as performing the ritual act of anointing prior to the biggest and most challenging experience of Jesus's life - his Initiation into the Mystery of Love being stronger that Death.  Sealing him as a symbol of her love, her wisdom, her support, and whatever else she had to offer to him as he set forth down the path he had to walk.  The Magdalene, the Anointress of Initiation.

I love ritual - for just this reason.  It places a seal and an intention in a powerful way.  As I have grown in my own journey of healing and spiritual growth, bringing life challenges into my awareness as part of my Initiatory process, helps me embrace every aspect.  (I have my Sister and Goddess friend, Heather Elizabeth to thank for a lot of this learning about what exactly is "initiation"!)  Creating or practicing rituals makes these life initiations even more sacred and meaningful.  Mary Magdalene models just this on a grand scale!!
 

...she has anointed my body beforehand for its burial...what she has done will be told in remembrance of her. 

The other piece, as I began to mention in my last blog on The Gospel of Mary, is that Mary Magdalene acts as a partner with Jesus.  It blows my mind and heart wide open to consider a human partnership in which the Most High/Creator God/dess incarnates Him/HerSelf!! 

Of course there is the obvious - that a woman could participate in that Holy Purpose is quite "thrilling," to use Cynthia Bourgeault's word. 

But what is equally as hopeful and expansive is that our intimate relationships could be such a crucible for the Divine to work through!  To know this (for I DO know it deep in my Being) makes all the hard work of relationship and communication; working through conflict, and listening to each other; honoring and loving both ourselves and the ones we connect with and commit to - it makes all that really MATTER!! 

Not just for the sake of being kind and loving our neighbor, but for the sake of birthing new life over and over again.  For the sake of Living in Love!

So what makes today, Sunday, March 25, so special to talk about Mary Magdalene?  In the Christian tradition, it is Palm Sunday today.  Traditionally we haven't included this amazing story in our liturgies (I wonder why not??!!), but the Wisdom Teacher, Cynthia Bourgeault calls us to do so, since it is such a pivotal and profound part of the path toward Easter. 

I have found a spiritual community that does!  If you are in the Austin area, and would like to experience it for yourself, please come for the service of the St Hildegard Community this afternoon, beginning at 4pm.  We meet at the Trinity Methodist Church chapel on 40th St and Speedway.  All faiths, beliefs, and traditions welcome - the only requirement is Love and Respect!

And on the Map of Synchronicity calendar - the Dreamspell calendar created out of the Mayan tradition, today is a day "guided by" the archetype of the White Mirror -  Mary Magdalene being the Divine Feminine Being connected with it!  (Please click here for Heather Elizabeth's webpage where you can learn more about this amazing synchronometer!!)

Anointress.  Healer.  Initiator.  Mary Magdalene.

Thank you for reading!

Alisa Carr/Eye of the Heart

To become fully human...

(written on March 17, 2018)

Have you ever started reading a book and thought to yourself, "has this person been walking around in my head, or what?" because the words on the page paint a picture of the ideas, beliefs, and concepts that have been dancing around in your own mind?  I've had this experience a few times, but maybe none so powerfully as when I began reading Cynthia Bourgeault's words in The Meaning of Mary Magdalene.

I share this with you as another layer in my relationship with Mary Magdalene.  I was introduced to this work in 2010/2011 through a book study at my church.  My Mary Magdalene pump had already been primed by the healing and emotional connection I experienced with her in the traditional scriptures, and intriguing scholarly books I had begun to explore.   

She decided to next show herself to me through the sacred text that has been named for her.

Cynthia's translation of and reflection upon the Gospel of Mary, the document found in Egypt in 1898 and included among the treasures now referred to as the "Gnostic Gospels", contained phrases like "organ of spiritual perception," "eye of the heart," "imaginal realm," "path of conscious love." What I read here reflected what I was experiencing and intending in every aspect of my life!  

The Gospel of Mary depicts Mary Magdalene as having a unique relationship with Jesus, in that she understood the deep truths he was trying to convey in a more complete way than the other disciples, that she had "become fully human."  Since she "got it," she could be open to receive even more.

The Gospel of Mary conveys that the path that Jesus was teaching was an internal path, a path of transformation, a path of shadow work and inner healing.  It portrays Mary Magdalene as having a connection and communication with Jesus during those three days between his physical death and resurrection, as a witness and even a grounding presence for Jesus as he journeys beyond his body.

As a psychotherapist who could never quite separate psychological healing from spiritual growth and opening more and more to the Spirit within, the Indwelling Christ, the Drop of the Divine, I felt like I had hit upon a jackpot of Truth!!  I was seeing the inner work I was doing with myself and with my clients as I read Cynthia's interpretations. 

I had been inviting clients into what I called "imaginal exercises" - a type of guided active imagination that was helping them heal deep wounds, and release long held fears and anxieties.  A significant portion of the Gospel of Mary appeared to take place in a similar space:  Cynthia called it the "imaginal realm."

What my heart's eye began to open to is that Mary Magdalene was a partner with Jesus in the guidance through and teaching of deep mysteries.  To consider this pretty much blew my own mind wide open - it had to catch up with what my heart already seemed to know!!  In a way, I felt like Mary Magdalene had already begun to teach me, and I just hadn't been aware that it was her!

Not only had Mary Magdalene been showing me how to have deep and intimate relationship with Jesus, she was also partnering with him to show me how to do deep and healing inner work - the calling I had received years before.  What I read in those pages of The Meaning of Mary Magdalene affirmed and confirmed that call, and the way my work had begun to unfold.  But the guidance was 2000 years old!

I write this in the early hours of the morning.  I finally turned the light on to put some of these words that were tumbling around in my head "on paper," so to speak.  But before I fired up the computer, I checked a message on my phone - a friend notifying me of the new film Mary Magdalene , which came out yesterday.  It is a depiction of the Gospel of Mary!  The synchronicity is not lost on me!

Mary Magdalene is not only a Feminine Spiritual Being who guides me in how to give and receive love, she is also a Disciple and partner of the Christ, who invites me to walk alongside her so that I can do likewise.  She opens up the Feminine aspects of healing, anointing, relationship.  She show us that partnership with the Divine is not only possible, but necessary.  And she shows us that doing our inner work opens us up to being more "fully human."  

I'm in!!

Alisa Carr, Eye of the Heart

Sacred Space - Containing and Transforming

Let's talk about containers...cocoons, wombs, caves...Circles.  And I'll throw in a little about squares too.

Over the years, in my work and study with dreams, and learning Dreamwork, I have become quite familiar with the idea of sacred space.  That is - space that is designated for doing deep and healing inner work.  The Greek word for this concept is temenos.  That's where the square comes in.  It's why we have square churches and square courtyards, square courtrooms, and square baseball diamonds.  They contain.  (In 2013, when I was beginning the shift in my own work, I wanted to name the business "Temenos."  The name was already taken!)

A few years later, I was reminded of the concept of the Sacred Circle in a Jungian DreamWork class.  It is the same idea, but comes from a different tradition.  "It is an old Goddess ritual to bathe--purify--to don the white gown--the garb of descent to the land of the dead--and to draw a circle of magic protection--sacred thought--around oneself." (from Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes).

In my class, the professor encouraged us to create some type of circle when doing dreamwork, active imagination, or any other type of inner work that would engage the unconscious.  A message to both the conscious mind, and the vast contents of the unconscious, that "I am serious - I want to listen - I want to go deep!"  

So I began gathering my precious items - hunks of rose quartz and other crystals, rosaries, metal crosses, artwork - and forming a Circle around the space that I was doing some type of inner work, creating a program, or writing what I intended to share publicly.  I was creating a Sacred Circle in which to bring that which was coming out of the unconscious, into my conscious mind. (I used to worry that if someone were watching this behavior they would have had some serious questions about my mental stability - but I did it anyway!)

I realized I had been doing this for years!  Building and walking labyrinths.  Turning my round glass top table into an altar.  Painting the Celtic triad in my house.  And beginning to meet in Circle with other women, mostly, under the guidance of Heather Elizabeth of SHE.  

The significance of how I had been tapping into the energy of the Sacred Circle - how it had been holding me, protecting me, providing a container for growth and transformation - was brought to my awareness in such an incredibly synchronistic way! See Dreams, Synchronicity and The Handless Maiden for this story!

Maybe you are beginning to see the back story of how I have come to take this work so seriously.  There is nothing that I ask you to consider investing in - whether that be time, energy, practice, or money, that I haven't done myself.  

My journey continues - I am amazed at what keeps unfolding - and unfolding, like a never ending opening of a beautiful flower!  And I want that for you!  I suspect that you are wanting it for yourself too, or you wouldn't even be taking the time to read this blog.

How do you want to begin?  I have laid out the options for ways I can accompany you on your own journey - the treasure hunt, I like to think of it.  Just click on the link.  Everything you will find there allows you to begin to experience that sacred container, in varying degrees.  

And know this - no matter when you choose to peel back your own layers - The Sacred Circle is always there for you.  We are always and continuously held by the Divine Spirit, where there are such vast and plenteous resources for the drawing on!

with gratitude and love, peace and healing!

Dreams, Synchronicity, and The Myth of the Handless Maiden

 

Look for my blog posts about how I have used sacred circles to do my own inner work, and a little about where the concept comes from.  It's the idea that actually marking off physical space helps our psyche get the message that we are serious about this inner work business, that we really do want to meet what is in the underground of the unconscious.

I want to share here what I received as an amazing experience of synchronicity that helped bring the whole idea of sacred circles into my awareness in a powerful way! Here is that story...

I was very excited to have the opportunity to take a class on Jungian principles in DreamWork at the Seminary of the Southwest in Austin, taught by Pittman McGehee, in the Winter/Spring of 2015.   I had already been working with my dreams for over 15 years, reading and studying with the writings of recognized teachers in the field - John Sanford, Robert Johnson, Joyce Rockwood Hudson, among others.  I had attended a dream conference at the Haden Institute, and had been offering dream retreats and groups, as well as guiding my clients in their own dreamwork.

All that to say that I was quite familiar with the principles, but enjoyed the teachings of Pittman McGehee and believed I had much to learn from him.

Following the first week of class, I received a detailed dream (CAUTION: it's a little graphic!!) in which, along with other symbols, there was an image of an intricate replica of a piano, the size of dollhouse furniture or a music box. Also in the dream, my sister's right ring finger was cut off in the process of chopping vegetables. There is much action that I am involved in to reattach the finger, which is unsuccessful, the dream ending with the detached part of the finger dried and shriveled, and the hand bleeding.

Also that same night I dreamed that my baby grand piano had been burned out (actually a recurring dream). As I sat in that next class, the discussion became centered around feminist issues, with some conflict within the class arising. Pittman spoke in a very relaxed manner, saying something like “this is the issue of how the patriarchy has cut off the feminine, what the myth of The Handless Maiden is about.”

Immediately I recalled my dream, and was curious to explore this. I knew exactly where I could find The Handless Maiden, as I had read it some years previously in The Women Who Run with the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  It was on my bookshelf.  Within 5 seconds, Pittman then said, “You know, that's what the movie The Piano, is about.”

My mouth dropped open - “Oh my God!” I thought. If I may have not received the message the first time around, here it was delivered to me again.  (Remember the pianos in my dreams??) There was no doubt that his comment was for me, and that my next task was to reread The Handless Maiden.

I proceeded to pull out my copy as soon as I returned home that night. In the very beginning of the story of The Handless Maiden, the young woman is inadvertently sold out to the Devil by her unawares father.  It was in reading this story and Clarissa's interpretation of it in light of the feminine journey of healing and awakening, that I came to understand the concept of a Sacred Circle in much more depth!

"The day the Devil came to fetch her she bathed and put on a white gown and stood in a circle of chalk she'd drawn around herself.  When the Devil reached out to grab her, an unseen force threw him across the yard." (p.422)

The maiden's act of drawing this circle of chalk around herself was the signal to her unconscious mind that she was ready to grow, ready to See herself, ready to take on the shadowy parts of her nature, and ready to bring forth her own inner and intuitive wisdom.

So, you see, that's what all this sacred circles and container energy is all about!  It's hard work.  It's deep work. And it's exciting work.  It takes a great deal of commitment, time, energy, and financial resources.  Probably the greatest investment you could ever make!  The individual offerings I have designed - Indigo, Turquoise, and Emerald of Becoming Your Heart's Treasure  - will guide you on that journey, just like The Handless Maiden reflects.  (In person, phone, or Zoom sessions)

Or possibly you are in a place along your path where belonging to a group that is intentional about connecting with the Divine Spirit, and connecting within, is the thing that would assist you on your spiritual and healing journey.  That's where Sacred Circles can meet you.

Re-reading The Handless Maiden, in the context of all that I had learned and in looking back over my dreams (turns out I had lots of images that were related to "handless," including one in which my own hand had been severed, and began to grow back!), and with Clarissa Pinkola Estes' brilliant commentary, I saw each step of my own journey reflected in this tale.  As all fairy tales go, it tells many truths of our psychological unfolding and growth in a symbolic way.  This is what we will begin to explore in the online group, Sacred Circles in May.

For now, I just wanted to share with you this additional layer of how it is that I came to be so passionate about doing inner work, and creating sacred space in which others can do theirs.  There is another story of synchronicity (actually 2 of them) that came out of that Jungian class.  I actually didn't learn much more content, and I was kind of disappointed in what the professor did NOT share.  But, these synchronicities and how they guided my own work was definitely worth the time and money!  I'll tell those another time!

with gratitude and love, peace and healing!  Alisa