Georgia On My Mind

I'm intentionally sharing this, the story of the road that leads me back to Georgia, on January 15, 2021, the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, who was born and began his inspiring leadership in Atlanta. I am also in awe of the many Black-bodied (mostly women!) organizers who knocked on doors, and encouraged the people of Georgia to let their voices be heard, resulting in the Rev Raphael Warnock and Jon Osoff winning the runoff election on January 5, to represent the people of Georgia in the US Senate. It's not about healing racism directly - but it is about a heart opening. And that's necessary to heal racism!

I found myself sitting on the front porch of a rustic and simple, but quite cozy and comfortable, cabin, looking out into the woods at the almost-full moon of November 30.  The full moon in Gemini, (I'm a Gemini...)full lunar eclipse, visible within 100 miles from me, had the snow clouds not blown in.  The woods of the mountains of North Georgia - Dawsonville, to be exact.   

 From Ray Charles - Georgia, O Georgia...

Located down an old gravel mining road with run-down double-wides, crisp new American flags, and Trespassers Will be Shot signs.  And UNclear delineations of where those property lines may lie.  I was a bit afraid as I drove in just after dark!  Nevertheless, I was warmly welcomed by my Airbnb host, to my clean, tidy, and, for me in my white body, safe home for the weekend.

"Let us all hope that the dark clouds of racial prejudice will soon pass away and the deep fog of misunderstanding will be lifted from our fear drenched communities and in some not too distant tomorrow the radiant stars of love...will shine over our great nation with their scintillating beauty."  MLK, Jr

I haven’t been to these mountains in over 30 years.  I don’t even think I have driven through them (and I've done A LOT of driving).  They were an integral part of my childhood, though!  A bit of curiosity and creativity, and courage, brought me back. 

Emerging out of a fairly isolated CoronaVirus quarantine, I chose to take a cross-country road trip, ultimately to meet up with my beautiful friend and colleague, Dana Gillispie, in the Pisgah National Forest in NC.  I managed to find a way to bring the dog, pieced together where I would stop, and who I would see, and spend extended time with only one person (my sister in MS) before greeting Dana in NC. 

Taking the more southern route to NC lead me through the beginning of the Appalachian mountains in Georgia, where I had spent the summers of my childhood, camping with my family and several others, as well as attending Episcopal church camp.  I was excited to explore those old stomping grounds!  I knew that it would be beautiful and refreshing, a nice reprieve from being at home.  I knew I would hike (I hoped on the Appalachian Trail) and drink in the sound of waterfalls and streams.  I intended to find the specific places I had been to as a kid.  

What I didn’t anticipate, though, were the feelings of love and connection that welled up within me as I drove on the windy roads through the Appalachians.  The deep gratitude I felt for the few colorful leaves left on the branches of the trees, the soft sounds of walking through fallen leaves, the evergreen pines, the gurgling of the streams, the sheer magnitude of the steep climb up the mountain.  Even as I write these words almost two months later, the tears spring up in my eyes.  O Georgia, my peace I find...

I was taking in this amazing land through my heart! Possibly for the first time. There had been so many layers between my senses and my heart when I was young. It was guarded well.

Now the sights, sounds, and smells touched me in such a powerful way!  Evidence that the capacity of my heart to take in beauty has greatly expanded!  I fall in love with the North Georgia mountains, as the woman I have become. Just an old sweet song...

I felt at home in the mountains as a child and a teenager - mostly that attachment came through the experiences I had there.  Happy times with family and friends, horses, streams.  I don’t know that I actually loved them....keeps Georgia on my mind.

I left Georgia almost 30 years ago.  The adventure at that time was coming to the city (“Big D”), going to graduate school, starting my career, finding a relationship.  With parents divorced and moved away from where I grew up, siblings gone, there was no “home” to come back to.  Home was where I created it.  Home was wherever my space was, where I lived.

In those 30 years, I have taken a deep dive into my Being.  Contemplative practices, healing and inner work, energy work, plant medicine, horse medicine, deep friendships.  I have been grieving and healing pains and losses from childhood, as well as trauma from my ancestry.  I’ve had my heart broken multiple times.  The depths the healing journey has taken me are astounding to me!  

"Only a refusal to hate or kill can put an end to the chain of violence in the world and lead us toward a community where [we] can live together without fear.  Our goal is to create a beloved community and this will require a qualitative change in our souls, as well as a quantitative change in our lives."  MLK, Jr

The path taken lead me to finding that feeling of "Home" right there in my heart.  With myself.  To more fully inhabiting the body of the woman I am.  The blockages on the inner road, between the senses of the body and heart, have been cleared. 

The way is opened for me to feel Home, especially in the Georgia Appalachians. 

It's as if the land, the Mountains, are reaching out to take my hand, whispering in my ear, asking me to dance, wooing my heart and soul.  O Georgia,...the road leads back to you!

"Yes!" is my answer to dancing with the Appalachian Mountains in Georgia! 

Shortly after returning to Austin from my SouthEast US excursion, I booked a cabin in North Georgia for a whole month, beginning in March!  I know I’m going to find trails, and waterfalls, wildlife, peace and quiet.  I imagine I will have visits from family members and friends who live closer to there than here.  (If you want to come for a healing retreat while I'm there, be sure to reach out!)

I have a strong sense that I’m going to find something else too!  It could be something that already lives deep within me.  It could be people I need to connect with.  It could be a deepening relationship with the mountains themselves.  I would like it to include connecting with the Spirit and traditions of the Indigenous peoples, whose home it was prior to colonization.  It could be that there is important healing work for me to participate in there.

I made a deep fast from most things electronic while on my road trip through Georgia and NC.  No news, no emails.  When I returned the first week in December, the Senate race runoff was a huge story!  All eyes were on Georgia!  It had everything to do with racial healing and justice!  At the same time as my heart had been pulled there! 

Maybe it will simply be the joy that comes from entering through a portal that has beckoned to me.

I was never so proud to be "from" Georgia as on November 5!  I believe that Dr. King was supporting and guiding the courageous people of Georgia from the spiritual realms!

Meanwhile, I have this amazing, cozy, spiritual, and healing space in Austin!  The kitchen was getting a makeover as I was playing in the mountains!  A beautiful new wood ceiling makes it feel like a cabin!

Why am I thinking about coming to Georgia when I'm making my house so much more beautiful? Believe me - I have some parts that are asking that!  Why? I'm simply following the energy! (Low-flying hawks crossing my path is a way I know that energy is calling!  What's the sign you receive?)  

Maybe the energy is leading someone else to spend time in Austin this Spring?  Maybe the energy calls for a writing retreat?  A change of scenery while working from home?  It will bring me joy to share my lovely space with someone who has gifts to receive from this part of the world! 

Where is the energy in your life leading you?  Which portal is beckoning you to walk through?  Does your heart need some healing so it can open more fully?  Do you connect with the sensual world, so that the body and the heart can communicate with each other?  Let me know what comes up for you!  And know that an intentional walk down the healing road is what leads you back to You!

If you haven't already, I strongly encourage you to consider two books at this auspicious time of honoring and celebrating the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  I Have a Dream, Writings & Speeches that changed the world. Edited by James E Washington

And My Grandmother's Hands, Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem.

Buy them from a Black-Owned Independent Bookstore.

Crazy Grief, Mind-Shattering Heartbreak

I’ve heard people refer to the kind of grief that rattles the mind, that breaks the heart in two, that makes you question the reality you thought you were living in. I’ve heard people talk about it, but I never experienced it myself, not in a conscious way…

…until now.

Now I know what "those people” are talking about. I know the physical pain in the center of the chest. I know the sense of being shattered into a thousand pieces. I know the confusion of looking out the same window, seeing the same sights, and yet nothing looks the same. I am those people.

Oh Lord! When my mind goes to trying to make sense of things, like any good analyzer will do, then the craziness really explodes! Did I really experience that? Is anything I thought to be true, really true? What does 2+2 equal, now?

Many of you are aware that my Dad passed away in the middle of October (2019). He died after a 7 + year ride with Alzheimer’s, the last 3 of which he was virtually unable to communicate. As sad as it is to not have him on this earthly plane with us, his death is a release for him, and for those of us who love him. In addition, Dad has not been a part of my daily life for many, many years. His death, for me, is not mind blowing, or ego-shattering.

The same week, though, as many events and streams of energy lined up, my significant relationship began to completely and totally unravel. In ways that, through all of our challenges and previous separations, were utterly shocking. (You may read here “infidelity,” but I could have handled that.)

I don’t write this in any way to expose, blame, or denigrate this person in any way. I love him.

I write because it’s my current reality. Because I now have an understanding of what that earth-breaking-apart grief feels like. And because I think it deserves some words. Even though words will only partially express it. (Wailing and screaming are a little closer to the essence of it!)

And I write because I recognize the lack of rituals and loving, supportive containers that we have for such experiences. Even when we are experiencing the physical death of a loved one, have the wake, the obituary and the funeral, we don’t tend to talk about the more primal emotional and mental anguish.

Oh my! What about the children who experience sudden loss of a parent or sibling?? In a culture of hiding intense emotion! My mother is among many people I know closely who have experienced this agonizing loss! And whose emotions and life-shattering experience were completely ignored and overlooked.

With the death of a relationship, especially one without the communal container of marriage, we are totally left hanging! Even when folks get divorced, there’s not too many healing or spiritual rituals beyond going to a support group or getting on a dating website!

With Dad, we got to come from our different parts of the country, have prayers and a worship service, tell stories and celebrate his life. Not so, when a relationship dies! We feel broken, ashamed, unsettled, lost. With no sacred container to hold us.

There’s still the loss though. The smells, the touches. The shared meals and shared sense of humor. The deep conversations and the conversations about nothing. The arguments. The sound of a voice. The emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical ache.

Yes, there are circumstances and dynamics. There are reasons. There even may be a little freedom and relief. There is all kinds of inner child healing going on, let me tell you. But it doesn’t change the heartbreak and the loss. There was genuine connection, love, intimacy, friendship. We went to a part heaven, and then some of hell together. It creates this juxtaposition that I can’t make work in my mind. No sense is made. In that place, all the reasons in the world, and all of the gifts that are going to come out of it, make it “right.” Even when some part of me knows that it must be. Because it IS .

Oh, and there is that little thing of me being a therapist and a Spiritual Director. I clearly don’t have my relationship shit together! I’ve been having a show down with God too! The shame! There’s enough of that for it’s own separate article, I can assure you!

I know enough to see that the degree of my ego-disintegrating grief in the loss of this treasured relationship runs way more deep in me than the current situation. It most definitely contains within it the unexpressed grief of my mother’s traumatic loss in her childhood. And occasions of the loss of my own power in my early childhood. And the remnants of other losses.

I’m exploring all of that, and hope to share it with you as the journey unfolds.

So here I am, with my open heart, the bleeding mostly stopped. It’s been undergoing intensive surgery, of which the heart-break of break-up is just one phase. No longer in the grips of the intense pain, I can put these words together. Make no mistake - I am still grieving. I miss my guy like nobody’s business!

But I am coming out of the cage with it. I will continue to share. I offer gratitude for your attention. And healing for the grief you may find yourself walking through. I know it may feel like you are drowning sometimes! You are not alone. And neither am I!

You are Mine...I Love You...

This is a story about Synchronicity.  About Embracing the Shadow.  About Healing.  And indirectly, about Dreams.

A few years ago, as I was cruising through Facebook, I came upon a post from Brother Jim, a monk at the Pecos Benedictine Monastery in Pecos, NM, that caught my attention.  One of my Teachers, Sister (Sr.) Miriam, was nearing the end of her life.

Sr. Miriam, the Benedictine nun.  Sr. Miriam, the Dreamworker.

Sr. Miriam, a Harbinger of Compassion, a Spiritual Director, a Reconciler of the Soul.  

Way before I knew the "parts work" of Internal Family Systems, this Wise Woman guided me, with direction and example, of the power of embracing ALL of my self, even those aspects that I wanted to reject, deny, or somehow relegate to the dungeon of unacceptability.  She showed me how to reach these pockets of energy as they appeared in my dreams.

It "just so happened" that I was at the start of a class on Jungian Principles at the Seminary of the Southwest in Austin.  And was in the middle of a synchronicity, involving that class, that lead me to deepen my understanding of my own inner journey of re-connecting with the Feminine, and the ways that society, and particularly the Church, has become disconnected from Her.  Read that story here.

Having been trained in Jungian Depth Psychology and DreamWork, Sr. Miriam was a much sought after Spiritual Director and Retreat Guidess.  She sent me, and many others, off to Love the areas of personality that are hard to Love.

The anger.  The shame.  The entitled.  The parts that could hurt others.

A wash of emotion came over me when I learned that she was dying, even though I had not seen her in many years, and even though I had only sat with her for a handful of hours.  Nevertheless, she had left her mark on my heart, and in my work. 

I had consistently been acknowledging her as part of the lineage of Teachings that I offered on working with dreams, on inner work, and on working with the Shadow.  Her Presence had been with me often throughout the years!

Not only that,  I had just visited the monastery, not 2 months prior, and had some affectionate time with her cat, Mineu, who repeatedly came to nap on the extra bed in my room, or on my suitcase!  The first of this degree of intimacy this tiger-like cat had ever offered me in the 15 years I had been visiting the monastery!

I'll share an example of Sr. Miriam Wisdom...After she had guided me to a part of myself that was disconnected, that had been rejected by my "good" parts, she would instruct me to have an energy toward that part that was welcoming and embracing.  She would move her arms in a gathering motion, as if bringing a person toward her for an embrace.  The way we motion for someone to come close so we can hug them. 

She modeled compassion and acceptance, saying, (as if to the disconnected part), "I see you.  You are mine.  I love you."  

Powerful Stuff!  To be Recognized.  To be Claimed.  To be Welcomed.  To be Accepted.  To be Loved.

The woman who stayed with Sr. Miriam during those last weeks of her life, graciously read my letter to her, and I kept in touch through Facebook, to know how she was doing, and when she was finally able to cross over into the next life.  I felt such a strong re-connection with her.  I was very touched that, when arrangements had been made for her memorial service, this woman sent me that information.

A Huge Synchronicity continued to unfold!  I noticed that the celebration of Sr. Miriam's life was to be held in Natick,  MA.  Even though I met her in New Mexico, I knew she was from Boston.  But I didn't expect to see Natick!  You see, I had been traveling there (from Texas)  for almost 20 years to visit my brother and my niece and nephew.  I called my brother to ask if he would be willing to attend the service on my behalf, which he readily agreed to do.  When he saw the announcement, he noticed that Sr Miriam had been living out these last days of her life in a nursing care facility where his wife (then girlfriend) worked.  As it turned out, my sister-in-law actually helped to care for Sr. Miriam!

This just blew me away! As you can imagine!  With the synchronicity that synchronistically was taking place simultaneously (redundancy intended!!) in the Jungian Dream class, I knew it was for me to pay attention!.  During some of those days, the ground under my feet eluded me, caught up as I was in the spirit that transcends time and space.

I felt like a mantle was being passed, energetically.  From a woman steeped in the traditions of the Catholic Church from early in the 20th century, yet able to be open to the Feminine energy of deep inner work.  A woman who taught by guidance, and by example, that it is Compassion that Heals.  And that Nothing is beyond welcoming, healing, loving.

As you may know, doing DreamWork is one of my favorite things!  It is for that reason that I included a session for it, close to my birthday, within A Year of Spiritual Practices - A feminine Lens, a series of Sacred Circles.  (It's next Tuesday, May 21, from 7-9pmCST.)

DreamWork is definitely a spiritual practice, as well as a regular way to open the doors to our hearts, minds, and souls.  As I often express to my clients, dreams can help guide the whole process of healing and transformation, if you are able to listen to them in a deep way.  

Are synchronicities lining up in your life?  Have you had a big dream lately, or a series of them that won't let you go?  Are you on the cusp of a shift or change, a time of expansion, and want to be intentional about moving into the new, listening to your dreams and your parts for guidance?  I would love to accompany you on that journey, if what you read here resonates with you!  Email me so we can chat a bit more!

I send a strong wave of gratitude to Sr. Miriam - that she was willing to follow her own inner guidance, that she taught with such humility, humor, and compassion, and that she opened up the power of DreamWork for me!

Buds to Blossoms!

It finally rained here in Austin last week! It rained a lot. And the heat broke a little bit.

And then I noticed that all my native plants had flower buds on them! The very next day they had burst into bloom! I’ve come to look forward to my flower garden in the fall. Surprisingly, it shows itself off best at the end of September. On the Fall Equinox, it looks just like Springtime around here!

All it took was some rain!

As I prepare for a new series in Sacred Circles, A Year of Spiritual Practices from a Feminine Perspective, I couldn’t help but make the comparison to my own process of “blooming.” It is with a regular practice of tuning into myself and into the Creative Life-Giving Spirit, that I come into my fullest Self. Which is ever evolving, and growing, blooming - with the right amount of water and sunshine, just like the Texas natives.

It wasn’t always that way. There was a time when my soul was akin to being in a dark room with no water, no sun, and stale air. A time when I was completely unfamiliar with practices that could connect me with the Spirit, and with mySelf.

I have offered great compassion to that young 20's woman, who had no idea what to do with her emotions, her thoughts, her sense of disconnection.  No idea how to connect with the immense spiritual support and love always surrounding her.

I didn't know about contemplative prayer or meditation.  I didn't know about reading sacred texts with my heart opened.  I didn't know about journaling.  Even though I went to a liturgical church, I didn't feel connected to the rituals and sacrament.  

I didn't know the vast source of guidance within me, and within creation, that was always coming through in my dreams, through synchronicity, through intuitive knowing, through cycles - cycles of seasons, of the moon, even the cycles of the church year.

I didn't know how to enter the imaginal realm - with the "parts" of my personality, with my inner child, with archetypal energies, with all of the forms through which God shows God's Self.  I didn't know that God could show up in a Feminine body and form! 

I had begun to separate from a deep connection to nature through horses and camping in the woods - a separation that wouldn't reconcile for almost 20 years.

I hadn't yet touched the Southwest and the deep and mysterious spirituality of the First Nations peoples.  I didn't yet know of the magical and deep ways the Holy Spirit had moved through so many women throughout time (yes - EVEN in the Church, when the powers-that-be thought that was impossible!).

I didn't yet know of the healing power that was trapped within my own being; or of the beauty that could come forth through art - from MY hands and heart!  Of the power of vibration and sound, even though I had been playing the piano most of my life.

I am convinced that it is in opening to the Spirit that dwells in our hearts, that the creative and healing power emerges!  And that we open to that Divine energy through spiritual practices, such as the ones I have mentioned here. 

Yes, the spiritual practices enable to us to connect with the Spiritual, God, the Source of All that Is.  AND the way to that connection is through our very own hearts, through our very own pain and healing, through our very own relationship with ourselves.  

Do you want to deepen, widen, and expand your own healing, your natural creativity, your sense of connection within yourSelf and to the Creative Spirit?  Are you tired of being on your own in your spiritual journey?  Are you in that place of not quite knowing what to do and how to do it, to take that next step along the way?

This is what Sacred Circles is all about! Please connect with me to learn more, to ask any questions, or to share your own thoughts about spiritual practices and your journey!

peace and healing!

Alisa Carr, Spiritual Director and LCSW -

Eye of the Heart

My Dad and Me...And Alzheimer's

“You’re just gonna have to trust me.”

I heard the words fly out of my mouth before I could even think --- unusual for me, who analyzes everything before saying it. Especially noticeable because these particular words were addressed to my Dad.

In that moment, I saw and experienced myself in relation to my Dad in a whole new way --- as an adult. In that moment, I also knew that everything was changing between us. Now he needed me. I was the one with the answers, the solution, the literal map for the way forward.

Dad was lost. Dad, who taught me how to read a map, how to follow road signs. Dad, who I had trusted, always, to lead the way on windy mountain roads, through mountain trails, and through thickets, was lost. On a road with road signs.

About the third time he called me that November night, as he made his way from Georgia to Austin, hauling Grandpa Jim’s baby grand piano in a little trailer behind his truck, I suddenly got it.  

“Oh - I see what’s going on here!!”, I thought. My Dad has a sense of humor, and I assumed he had been teasing with his comments and questions, staying in touch with his calls to stay alert.

In that moment of clarity I realized what was actually happening.

My Dad was confused. And scared. He didn’t know where he was and he didn’t know how to find his way. Then and there, I knew that he had a “thing” going on in his brain, and that I needed to take charge.

Thus began the journey with Dad’s Alzheimer’s. The diagnosis wouldn’t come for a couple more months, and once it did, Dad referred to that trip with the piano, and my knowing that something wasn’t right with him, even though he couldn’t yet acknowledge that at the time. Once the diagnosis came, it made a lot of irritating and strange communications make much more sense.

Dad’s Alzheimer’s forced him into retirement. He had been a physician for almost 50 years. One of those doctors who works 18+ hour days, and goes to work on most of the holidays. Was he a workaholic? Maybe? But mostly, people’s lives depended on him --- he saved a lot of them. He was a Healer.

Being retired, Dad actually stayed in touch with my siblings and me much more than he had previously. We noticed a gentleness about him. He was more considerate and thoughtful. He was attentive, and loving.  

People with Alzheimer’s commonly experience a great deal of emotions in the beginning stages. Dad was a pretty emotional kind of guy anyway, so this wasn’t completely new. In the years just prior to his diagnosis, it seemed that every time we were together there were many tears flowing. It was kind of like a purging.

Dad had begun to express his pain, his sadness, his remorse and regret, for the way his actions during my childhood had impacted my siblings and me, and my mom. It was emotional for me too, because all of the things he had such sorrow and pain about, I had also experienced sorrow and pain from.

I am incredibly appreciative of those conversations ---that Dad was willing to talk about such tender subjects; that he was willing to sit with my pain and his own.

I am a therapist. A Spiritual Director. A DreamWorker. A Contemplative. I had been doing inner work for over 20 years by the time these conversations started taking place. It always amazes me --- and often frustrates me --- that an issue, or a period in life, that I have already spent so much time acknowledging, processing, and doing healing work on, keeps coming back up.  

With the compassionate and gentle approach of my own Spiritual Director, I came to just accept this as part of the journey. She would tell me that “healing is not linear --- healing is like a spiral.”

Even when we are becoming more conscious and intending to resolve our relationship with the past, or with people, we keep coming back around to the same issue, or the same painful memory. But that spiral is open - expanding or drilling down --- so we are constantly moving through, although it often feels like going round and round in circles.

My relationship with my Dad, and the relationship I had with my teenage self, who had experienced the pain of divorce and the impact of my particular family dynamics, had already spiraled around numerous times. I had been doing my work.

It’s not like I was intending to be prepared for my Dad to lose himself, the parts of him that I knew and felt connected and attached to. But that’s what happened. In the moment when I saw clearly, I had already tended to my inner vulnerabilities in such a way that no thinking was required to respond.

To say, “You’re just going to have to trust me, Dad.”

I had created space within so that the deepest parts of my Being ---my inner wisdom and strength---could just flow through.

At least that’s how I’ve come to view it. I was emotionally and mentally prepared to take the reins and go find my Dad --- who was lost.  

I can hear the words, “nothing can prepare you for the decline of your parents,” especially the way that Alzheimer’s hijacks a person’s senses and personality. I think that’s probably true. But I will also tell you that I think there is something that can soften the blow.

And that is to have worked through the "Daddy issues" before the crisis point. To have grown up on the inside. To have listened to the areas of loss and pain and hurt. To have acknowledged how my protectiveness from those vulnerabilities had impacted my life and decisions and relationships.

Dad is now toward the end-stages of Alzheimer’s, requiring him to live in a facility. He can’t communicate very much, and if the hallways were made of grass (I so wish they were!),  he would have worn a path with how much he walks them.

I miss the Dad that he used to be, but I also love the Dad that I find each time I go to visit.

It’s emotional, for sure, initially, not being able to connect in the way that feels natural and comfortable. But I have come to look forward to simply Being with him. Sharing the same space, breathing the same air, knowing that soul and spirit connect in ways that are far beyond words, or reason, or logic.

It only requires my presence and attention; and then, every once in a while, he looks up and holds my eyes with his bright blue gaze. Yes, I am contemplative by nature. I also know that my years of inner work, contemplative prayer, and ability to be in Stillness have prepared me for this.  

I am so grateful.

Alisa

Held in Love and Healing Energy

One of our basic human needs is to belong.  We are born into families for a reason!  We naturally are drawn to living in communities.  And we grow and heal and transform within the context of a group of people who are supportive and loving.  Who listen and share.

Would you like to be a part of a group of people with whom you can walk alongside in your journey of life?  Be open with your spiritual experiences and beliefs?  Share the raw and vulnerable times of life?  I invite you to consider Sacred Circles!!

What makes a group capable of holding these valuable, and sometimes, tender, places within us, is the kind of container that is created for it.  

In Sacred Circles, the online InterSpiritual group of Eye of the Heart, it has been my intention to establish a strong and loving container within which you are able to do the heart opening and soulful work of connecting, transforming, growing and healing. 

Although showing up for the Live Circle is definitely one of the aspects that facilitates healing and change for Sacred Circles members, it is only one aspect of the container.  (I will say, though, that it is some kind of powerful when all come for the Live Circle!)

Each member is held in the arms of the sacred container that has been created, regardless of physical presence on the day of the Circle.  There is another energy that is connecting, working, loving, and healing in between.  Yes, the recording that is available helps us transcend time and space.  But it's more and deeper and vaster than that.  You are in the Circle.

I am seeing amazing openings, revelations, and healing, that simply being a part of the Circle has contributed to.  It's like agreeing and committing to it, brings up that THING that is preventing you from really being fully YOU; from fully showing up in the world!

Whether that is the fear of being judged; the fear of expressing emotions in front of others; the fear of going into a painful place inside that you would rather avoid; or the fear of taking the time for a 2 hour group every 4 weeks, when there are so many other demands to meet!  Chances are that whatever the thing that keeps you away from a particular session, or even the whole Sacred Circles process - when really, something deep in you wants to dive in -  that is the very thing to have a relationship with, to listen to, to stretch just a little.

I've watched it happen these past 6 months.  And I've seen the transformation, the old skin sloughing off and the new peaking out from underneath the old.  It is an honor and a pleasure to witness; and to hold this space, this sacred container...that is Sacred Circles.

How is the container held?  How does it work?  Some energetics and prayer.  And some practical, physical boundaries.  First, each Circle is lovingly and prayerfully created by me, with a topic, a theme, questions for reflection, meditation practices, and often art and music.  Remember - we are InterSpiritual, and we are practicing inner work.

We begin each Circle with opening and connecting with each other, with ourselves, and with the Divine Presence in and among us.  All members are spoken by name, whether or not they are able to be Live, their energy is with us.  As I already mentioned, the recorded Circle is available for those not Live to view. 

Each Circle includes a powerful meditation experience, often including energy healing shared by me.  I intend it to be nurturing and healing for all!

Sacred Circles has a private Facebook group.  Only members are invited to participate.

I have an outdoor altar on which is a stone which represents each member of Sacred Circles, symbolizing the container of the Circle, within the broader container of Eye of the Heart.  It receives the wind and the rain, the sunshine, and the energy of the moon.

I periodically, in between Circles, feel a strong nudge to bring each member of Sacred Circles forward in prayer.  Sometimes this is with my singing bowls, sometimes with Oracle cards, sometimes with a chant or a particular prayer.  

And members have agreed to pay monthly for the Sacred Circles experience.  $45 is automatically withdrawn from your account every 4 weeks, unless you decide to save a little and purchase a year (13 Circles) at a time.  You can cancel the regular payment at any time.  But having the payment in place allows a certain level of commitment that contributes to the strength of the container created.  So each person assists in holding that space with me, for each other.

I am witnessing Sacred Circles be in its own state of transformation, taking on a life of its own.  Would you like to come on into the Sacred container??  Do you have some old skin that wants to shed, allowing the new to come through - the YOU that's just waiting to be seen? 

We in Sacred Circles are here waiting for you!!

with gratitude and love, peace and healing!  Alisa

She began to bathe his feet with her tears and dry them with her hair...

This is the first year that I have offered a weekend retreat, The Magdalene - Wounded Woman, Anointer, Beloved:  A Retreat for Wisening Women.  When listening in to what the theme would be, I experienced a strong call toward Mary Magdalene.  This isn't that strange, since I am all about her!!  I want to start sharing a little about Mary Magdalene and me!  She has captured my heart these last 12 years or so!!

I have come to learn that Mary Magdalene has also captured the hearts of many others, even many who don't proclaim to be "Christian," as that term has come to be understood in the past fifteen hundred years.  This was a surprise to my born and raised Episcopalian self!

I am very grateful to Mary Magdalene, and the way that she has been presented to me through the writings of Cynthia Bourgeault - The Meaning of Mary Magdalene, and Margaret Starbird - The Woman with the Alabaster Jar, for being an integral player in my second spiritual awakening, which began in 2010.  I have come to believe deep in my Being, that we, in the Christian tradition, only had part of her story, and thus, only part of Jesus' story.  With the study of the Gnostic gospels, particularly Thomas, Philip, and Mary, our view has broadened.  Not to mention the teachings from several other esoteric traditions!  But that for another time...

Before being introduced to all of that, though, my connection with her came through the canonical scriptures.  (Continue reading below this icon of Mary Magdalene)

The Magdalene is known as the woman who anointed Jesus in the Gospels.  In some of those stories, she is anointing his head, and this action precedes, and prepares him for, his capture, imprisonment, torture, and death.

In the Gospel of Luke, though, the woman is not named, except to be identified as "a sinful woman."  Luke also refers to this Mary of Magdala, as the woman out of whom Jesus cast seven demons.  There is much discussion among the scholars, as well as in the Divine Feminine camp, about why she may have been presented in this way - possibly to silence her voice beyond the resurrection, possibly so that the "master story" wouldn't be threatened. All of that makes a lot of sense to me, but, nonetheless, we have these stories of Mary Magdalene being in need of healing.

I feel her here as the "Wild and Wounded Woman."

At the time when I began to engage with these scriptures in a deep and personal way in 2006, I, too, was in need of healing.  I, too, felt like an outsider - too religious for some, not religious enough for others.  Wild and Wounded fit me perfectly. 

I resonated with the words "inappropriate," "unacceptable."  I had not yet found my voice fully.  I had not yet vanquished a great degree of shame I lived with.  I was just discovering who "Alisa" really is; just beginning to play with the idea that I needn't apologize for her.

You see, in the story in Luke's gospel, Mary Magdalene is not invited to the party.  She sneaks in and washes and anoints the feet of Jesus - with her tears and her hair and with her costly perfume - to the shock and horror of the prestigious men who hold the dinner party.  (You can read the whole story here, if you like.)

It is such an intimate expression of love.  I could imagine being that woman.  I wanted to be that bold with my love for Jesus, and for others.  I desired such unabashed intimacy.  It was out of her deep love and gratitude to Jesus for bringing her to herself, her healed and whole self, that she could pour out her own love for him.  

I found Jesus as an intimate friend, and even as a Lover, through Mary Magdalene.  I felt a door open up for a deeper connection with Holy Divine, by my connection with her.  She showed me how to receive love and healing.  And she showed me what it looks like to give love and healing.  I'm still working on opening myself up so I can let it flow as freely as she could. 

I will continue sharing stories with you about how I have come to know and love Mary Magdalene.   Let me know what, if anything, they open up in you!  Look for the stories on Facebook on my Eye of the Heart page or send me an email with your thoughts!

I am grateful that you have taken the time to share in this sacred journey.  Keep coming back here to read more of how my relationship has unfolded with Mary Magdalene!

with gratitude, and love, peace and healing!  Alisa
 

Untie the Strong Woman!

Today, December 12, 2017 is the Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe.  It often slips by me without my being conscious of it, despite the devotion for her that has been growing within me over the last few years.  Not today. 

She is and has been calling to me, from the time I began making trips to the Our Lady of Guadalupe Abbey, a monastery in Pecos, New Mexico, in 1999.  She was instrumental in revealing the path of the Divine Feminine to me through my friend and colleague, Heather Neary of SHE (SHINE Heather Elizabeth).  She has made the archetype of the Black Madonna come alive for me through conversations with my beautiful spiritual friend from high school, Deb Shine Valentine, my Jungian studies, and the writings of Sue Monk Kidd, and Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  

Untie the Strong Woman is the name of Estes' collection of writings about the way Guadalupe's wild love for all of humankind has been revealed in our times, especially for the heart-broken and downtrodden, and especially for those who suffer because of the way the Feminine has been bound.   (Read on past her picture!)

The Strong Woman is most definitely being Untied!! 

I don't even watch, read, or listen to much news, but I can feel the rumblings that come with the revelations of sexual assault, harassment, and abuse that seem to just keep on emerging.  It is awful and wonderful.  It is disgusting and healing.  I am so humbled and grateful for the courage of all the women - and men - who are voicing these experiences.  We can no longer hide them from ourselves.  The truth is erupting from deep down.  

With these groans and cries that are ripping the blinders off of so many, comes not only exposure and witnessing, but also pain, anger, and grief.  I have had numerous conversations in the past 2 weeks with women - and men - on a healing path, whose own experience of sexual trauma have been triggered by what has been unearthed and spoken out in the media.  And I have it on my heart to speak to this.  With the help and support of Our Lady, Guadalupe.

Make no mistake - the voices of those who are speaking out are courageous and healing.  And the experience of anxiety, rage, disgust, flashbacks, overwhelming emotions, challenging though they may be, are part of the healing process.  Once something like this suddenly breaks the surface, when it has been buried or at least locked away for so long, it hurts!  Acknowledging it is only the first part of the journey of healing.  

So, if you are one of the ones who is remembering past sexual abuse, or feeling intensely about abuse you already knew was part of your past, or in any other way are being triggered by what the world is just now hearing, know you are not alone.  If you - or someone you know- is experiencing pain related to sexual abuse, the time is ripe for approaching that experience with compassion and caring.   

Here are some common responses when past sexual abuse is triggered:

• Remembering, reliving, or even "watching" an incident of trauma over and over again.                                                                                   

• Questions like, "Why didn't I tell someone?  Why don't I speak up about what's happened to me?  Am I to blame for not speaking up?"  (The answer is "NO!!!" There are SO many reasons why!)

• An overwhelm of feelings of shame, guilt, disgust, rage;  or intense anxiety, not knowing what feelings are deep within, and if they can be handled.  (They can be!)

• Sexually intimate relationships may become challenging.   

• Increased irritability that seems out of context, increased use of alcohol or drugs, or other numbing or distracting behaviors.

If any of this is going on for you, reach out to someone you trust to share your feelings and experience. 

Click here to reach out to me, or contact another Healer who understands how to guide you through a process, to do the inner work of healing your experience of abuse.   My intensive healing program Becoming Your Heart's Treasure is designed just for this kind of situation.  The Independent Study/Healing program,Anxiety - Doorway Into Your Heart is not specific to sexual abuse, but can definitely support you through any emotions or anxiety that are triggered.

Call out to Our Lady of Guadalupe to guide you and be with you, either as a manifestation of the Spirit speaking to and loving you directly, or as that Divine Mother intercessor.  We all have different ways of connecting with her - consider what that might be for you.  Let her prayer wrap around you and bring you comfort:

 ...I am truly your merciful Mother, yours and all the people who live united in this land and of all the other people of different ancestries, my lovers, who love me, those who seek me, those who trust in me. Here I will hear their weeping, their complaints and heal all their sorrows, hardships and sufferings.                          Our Lady of Guadalupe

As I write this article, I am holding space and energy of love, of comfort, and of hope for the healing of all who have had an experience of sexual abuse of any kind.   I believe I can speak for Our Lady, Guadalupe, that she is also here with us, loving us, encouraging us, and supporting us.  The healing is happening, my companions and friends, it is here!  Let us participate with open and committed hearts!

gratefully - Alisa

Alisa Carr, Eye of the Heart

Spiritual Director, LCSW, DreamWorker and Contemplative